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A quote I have held on to throughout my life, attributed to Buddha Siddhartha Guatama Shakyamuni, the founder of Buddhism states, “Do not seek sanctuary in anyone except yourself.” Many people have taken his words and applied them in slightly different ways, and with much contemplation, much time on my own, as well as a handful of romantic relationships and many different platonic relationships both in my personal and professional life, I have found the lesson to reside in understanding what sanctuary means.
When we find a place of refuge and protection within ourself, meaning we have found peace within, after having chosen to remain a student of ourselves, we have found a state of contentment through mindfulness that can carry us through the ups AND downs of life well. We cannot be responsible for anyone else’s mindfulness or contentment, only our own. And it is in my understanding of sanctuary that I appreciate his words of reminder – to be self-reliant, yet not entirely alone in the world. After all, it is knowing how to engage well – respectfully, civilly (meaning knowing how to communicate effectively) – that we elevate not only our everyday lives and those we directly connect with, but the larger world.
Living simply luxuriously does not require a particular relationship status, just as it doesn’t require a particular place on the globe to call home, a particular income or age. Over the course of TSLL’s 11+ years I have been single and involved in relationships, although primarily single, and it has been single by my choice. That is to say, I value a life of quality, respect, kindness and trust coupled with sincere love for the other, not finding someone to be a puzzle piece to appease society. Whenever a relationship has ended, any one or more of the values listed has diminished or evaporated, which let me know it was time for us to go our separate ways. However, life and relationships and yes, love, is dynamic, but all quality relationships begin with knowing our self-worth, understanding how to live well without reliance on another, and finding contentment in our own journey wherever it might lead.
What confuses our sense of true self is not giving ourselves time to fully and truly get to know who we are, what are strengths are and what skills we need to hone. Before I go any further, I will let the nine episodes bundled for podcast bundle #3 explain all of this and more far more clearly and in much more detail.
I do hope you enjoy, and be sure to explore TSLL’s blog posts (click here) on the subject of reveling in the life of living single.
Being Single is Luxurious Living, episode #170
How to Live Alone Well, episode #33
The Power of Solitude, episode #91
Traveling Alone Well, episode #220
Why Not . . . Be Brave?, episode #83
Why Not . . . Find Your Personal Power?, episode #95
The Truths & Myths of the Independent, Single Woman, episode #94
Stop by next Monday for the fourth and final Podcast Bundle of 2021, and explore Podcast Bundle #2 here.
AND . . .
Explore all episodes of
The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.
This is exactly where I am at right now. After a divorce from a 25 year marriage and without actively seeking it out, got into a relationship 3 months later, I feel like it is finally time to go solo. I didn’t engage myself into the relationship by way of fear of being alone, we have fun. But I find myself resenting not having my life on my terms. It may be seen as selfish, but I have put every ounce of my time volunteering my time for free and being a stay at home mom for 23 years where my life is what everyone else needs first. I want to make decisions based on MY wants and needs and not do the “compromise” (which is more me giving in to what everyone else needs or wants) I love solitude, but was raised by a mother whom thought that was selfish and non social. I enjoy my own company and enjoy being with others in smaller doses, and guess what? That is OK!! So,I will revisit those episodes to sure up my determination to live on my own terms…at last! Thank you for work!
Michelle, Thank you for sharing your journey and where you are and where you wish to go and why. Your self-awareness is a tool and yours is well honed. Thank you for stopping by and conveying how this bundle spoke to you. 🙂
I have never lived alone, ever. Well occasionally on weekends when my college roommate left and I stayed on in the dorm. That’s it. I need alone time and listening to this bundle (one more to go) reminded me just how I have evolved to being a person who needed alone time but was never alone! I have picked up some new ideas from your podcasts as well. A girl needs to know her own mind!
Lucy, Happy to offer inspiration however you wish to apply it in your life. 🙂 Indeed, we all benefit from knowing ourselves. Thank you for stopping by. 🙂