Nope, we’re not going to the actual gym or doing anything physical for the toning we’re talking about in this post, but metaphorically, all of us have the muscles within us, i.e the ability to learn the skills of wellbeing, and when we know what they are, then exercise them, keeping them toned regularly through intentional use and application in our everyday lives, the wellbeing that may have once felt elusive or out of our reach or control becomes a part of our everyday experience.

While various sources of all stripes list different components of what constitutes our wellbeing that when bundled together – one citation includes five components, another six, yet another eight, although, five components definitely appeared more often, yet what those five were were never exactly the same, the sources grounded in research involving a wide swath of people and/or citizens of various countries did actually shared consistent findings. One such study involved 21 countries and found wellbeing to be “the combination of feeling good and functioning well; the experience of positive emotions such as happiness and contentment as well as the development of one’s potential, having some control over one’s life, having a sense of purpose, and experiencing positive relationships” (source).

Similarly, when exploring the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a department the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the nation’s medical research agency, they cited that “wellbeing can be understood as how people feel and how they function both on a personal and social level, and how they evaluate their lives as a whole” as defined by The New Economics Foundation in their book Measuring Wellbeing: A Guide for Practitioners. 

As we observe each of these two broad definitions, both largely agreement, each involves multiple elements and includes categories diverse unto themselves such as emotion, behavior, cognition, and relationships.

The question is less about what wellbeing is, as various trusted institutes of health seem to agree generally that it encompasses “a state of happiness and contentment, with low levels of distress, overall good physical and mental health and outlook, or good quality of life” as cited in the latter document above, and becomes more about how to cultivate, or, for the sake of our post today, tone the muscles that enable these qualities of wellbeing to exist or be present in our lives. Which leads me to our discussion today.

To live a simply luxurious life, the art of living well, is to ground our lives on the foundation of true contentment, but knowing what contentment is is often what is misunderstood.

Many conflate contentment with happiness, in other words assume they are one and the same. We see these terms mentioned side by side as we shared in the quotes above, but we are mistaken to assume they are exactly the same thing – they are both listed because they have similar components but are uniquely their own. One is the parent of the other, and when we strengthen the parent – which in this case is contentment – we then foster more happiness. They are related, but not the same. (This is something I will teach in-depth in an entire lesson in TSLL’s forthcoming Contentment Masterclass.)

What often gets in the way of experiencing contentment is that we focus on the outcome but forget, or are not taught, what the necessary ingredients are that will bring about the outcomes we seek. Another way to look at it, yes, I want to savor a buttery, flaky on the outside, and soft and tender on the inside croissant that has scrumptious flavor that satiates with each bite, not something that while looking good is just air and the baker forgot about flavor. Knowing HOW to create what we desire is where we have to begin otherwise we are constantly in pursuit and never experiencing.

We want to satiate, not tease. We want to satisfy and understand, not exhaust ourselves in constant chasing but never comprehending. By learning the former – knowing the how, we become the masters of our own contentment and begin to fully experience living a simply luxurious life.

So let’s go to the ‘gym’, so to speak. Let’s let explore the six muscles that we all have the capability of learning and keeping toned, and when we do, every arena of our life has the potential to be transformed as we engage with the world different and make different decisions.

Awareness

To live in a state of awareness is to wholly be in the present moment. In the now. To see without judgment and simply to witness. To observe all that is going on around us, but also all that is going on within us. This is where knowledge of various sciences – how the mind works, how emotions come and go, why they arise, what they mean, how Mother Nature works, skills we choose to learn rather than to accept without exploration and understanding – gives us the ability to be rational and responsive rather than rash and reactive. To know, but also to be able to find comfort in the unknowing. To apply the skills of critical thinking (something I will teach in detail in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass).

When we are fully aware, in its many different forms – self-awareness and simple awareness, as well as environment/situational and emotional, many incorporate these latter into the former two – we see with clarity and begin to make better decisions that enrich our lives and the environments we experience our days.

Posts/Episodes to explore:

• Awareness + Being Present = Deep Contentment & Peace of Mind
• podcast episode #143: Examining the Benefits of Self-Awareness

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Appreciating

Once we finally see more clearly with the skill of awareness, we see all that is functioning well, all that enriches our lives (and we also see more clearly what isn’t and why it isn’t and take responsibility where it is our to take, making better decisions that change where things need to improve), and when we practice the skill of appreciation, we are training the mind what to look for, what we value. It doesn’t mean all will go well, or there won’t be hiccups. There will be, but we approach these unwanted moments differently. We reframe how we view roadblocks, rejection and initially perceived undesirable outcomes, and begin to look for what we are being given, how these moments (that will pass if we don’t linger and whine) are actually trying to help us live the life that will bring us a grounding state of true contentment.

Posts to explore:

• Why Not . . . Be Grateful?
• 12 Ways to Know If You’ve Found Your Happy Groove, and Why Discontent is a Powerful Motivator

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Savoring

Such a simple skill that because of its perceived simple nature is overlooked as incapable of being influential in cultivating a life of deep enjoyment and yes, fulfillment. But when we savor, we see. And this begins to train the mind to remember what to look for, what matters, what we wish for there to be more of.

Savoring is an art in many ways all by itself because it isn’t just the moment of experiencing what is either delicious, beautiful, awe-inspiring, etc., it is also being able to hold on to that moment but without asking for more. See how skilled we must be? So perhaps it isn’t so simple after all. We must both let go of expectations and desire, but at the same time, linger and dive deep into the vast richness the moment is gifting us with. When we shift what savoring is and know how to do it, we no longer live life on the surface and thus realize how rich and deeply fulfilling each and every moment, everyday, ordinary moments, can be.

As shared in TSLL’s 2nd Book, Living The Simply Luxurious Life: Making Our Everydays Extraordinary and Discovering our Best Selves, savoring, regular savoring, changing the efforts and focus of our brain, and that muscle, when we keep it toned, changes our perspective on how we see and experience our days, and thus the world.

Posts/Episodes to explore:

• A Skill to Learn for a Deeply Fulfilling Life: To Savor rather than to Want
• podcast episode #213: The Art of Savoring — How to Invite the Skill of Savoring into Our Lives
• podcast episode #163: Learn How to Truly Savor Everyday Moments and Watch It Elevate Your Life
• Why Not . . . Savor Life?

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Curiosity

Our inner child, the unedited curiosity that reveals what catches our eye without influence, wants to lead us to our dharma. Curiosity resides within each one of us, but we have to feed it and free it at the same time. We have to be fearless in many ways while also taking away what drains our energy because the good news is that when we engage with where our curiosity wants us to explore, we actually will energize ourselves, but we have to have the energy to engage!

Ultimately, our curiosity equates to the best friend we could have but we have to listen to it. And in order to listen to it, we must understand how it tries to communicate with us. This all comes down to knowing ourselves, which leads me to the next muscle to keep toned . . .

Posts to explore:

• Why Not . . . Be Curious Instead of Certain? 9 Benefits for Living Everyday with Curiosity
• The Best Life Coach Guru (and it’s free!): Our Curiosity

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Integrity

Integrity, as it pertains to our conversation today, is not acting or behaving in an unchanged way to uphold one’s morals, but rather, an honoring of what we know to be true about who we uniquely are, and each one of us is dynamic as we are, if we choose to be, constantly learning and growing and discovering. However, the overlap with the more understood definition and the definition as it pertains to honoring our true selves is the courage to be who we are outwardly in our actions, words, and also our thoughts. So not only do we engage with integrity with others, but we treat ourselves by honoring our true selves lovingly and without the critical voice, with integrity as well.

To honor our true selves is to say no when something won’t nourish us even if we have gone along in the past. This involves setting boundaries and ensuring we nourish ourselves just as we nourish the world when we give what we can uniquely offer.

Posts/Episodes to explore:

• podcast episode #343: How Setting Healthy Boundaries Contributes to True Contentment
• podcast episode #307: How to Step into Your Fullest True Self — The Way of Integrity, as taught by Martha Beck

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Loving-Kindness

When we engage with the world in each and all of our actions – large and small, words and behavior, toward all others (including Mother Nature and all of her flora and fauna, as well as ourselves) – with loving-kindness as Deepak Chopra talks about in his book The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Life, we immediately change the tone of our days. After first it may shock some people who are used to being defensive and negative, and for others it will be immediately a breath of fresh air. And then over time, you will be trusted by others that when you engage it is not sarcastic and fearful, no, it is with sincerity and kindness for whomever you engage with, and that energy given is the karma that can only serve you well as you move forward in life.

It is important to note that you will not have expectations of receiving anything in return, but when you engage with loving-kindness, you are trusting without confirmation, giving without wanting, and bravely stepping into the unknown realizing that until we each do so, kindness can’t be experienced. The more people who engage with loving-kindness, the more kindness there is in this world, and we begin this beautiful domino effect by being loving and kind in our actions, words and thoughts toward others and ourselves.

Posts/Episodes to explore:

• Extending Kindness, A Path to Deepen Contentment
• The Difference Between Kindness and Pity

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When we tone all of the above muscles, we give ourselves the ability to function well in every arena of our lives and thus receive the feeling of deep contentment, an ease of being and an inner peace that we have given to ourselves and that cannot be purchased swiftly or, and this is even more important to note, cannot be taken away.

Yes, it will take time, but with conscious, regular toning, going to the ‘gym’ of wellbeing, we will experience the benefits that will find us traveling and engaging with our days in a state of contentment, and thus more happy and wonderful moments to savor and delight in. A life of quality over quantity in every arena of our lives.

Wishing you a wonderful week, and may your wellbeing exercise regimen continue with more enthusiasm that it is indeed a prescription worth the time, energy and patience. Bonne journée.