“Equanimity is a culmination of practice where the mind is steady, contented, and undisturbed. It’s the opposite of being agitated or overwhelmed. One traditional simile is being supple like bamboo so we can bend in the wind and not break. It’s ultimately about giving up any struggle with how things are in this moment. When we can rest in equanimity, we find a kind of well-being and happiness which is not so dependent on circumstances because it’s generated from within.“ —Gullu Singh
Each day of each week we begin will have its own pace, its own soundtrack, its own backdrop. Due to our energy, due to the actions of others, whatever the news of the day is, the food we eat, the tasks of our work, the health of our loved ones, the list goes on of how many various ingredients can affect the ‘scene’ of each day.
However, one of the most amazing gifts we give ourselves when we cultivate a life of contentment is that no matter what is out of our control, we can still experience contentment each and everyday. It is a feeling of ease, of abiding peace, an inner calm that knows we can trust ourselves to have learned the skills necessary to navigate as well as possible through anything that greets us. This is to experience equanimity.
As the above quote shared, cited from Jack Kornfield’s Spirit Rock’s website, it is experienced following the application of learned skills, and it gives us the ability to find the calm within no matter what may be swirling around outside of us.
Along the journey to cultivating contentment, a journey taught in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass, as you learn the skills, apply them to your specific life journey through the homework given at the end of each of the eight lessons, you will experience moments – at first fleeting, but then gradually with more consistency and longevity, of equanimity. During the periods of time when you don’t feel as though you are progressing or you are wondering when you will experience the peace or aha of your dharma that you had hoped, take a moment to pause and contemplate that you are likely growing more than you realize.
In today’s post, I wanted to offer reassurance that you are growing far more than you may be able to witness. Because we cannot know the circumstances that will unfold on any given day, we cannot know which skills we will get to ‘practice’, and because of that, it can feel as though we are stagnant. However, I want to calm your doubts and restore any shaken confidence because while the journey will take time, any small improvement is growth.
And in fact, taking time regularly to reflect and acknowledge that we have grown will deepen these skills more deeply, thus more permanently in our brain’s synapses. So in fact, I encourage you to reread this post as necessary, but also regularly, so you can become more conscious of how you have grown and how your continued growth is supporting a life of contentment.
Let’s take a look at 21 ways (there are many more, and today’s list is just a glimpse) that you are growing along your journey toward living a life of contentment every day.
1. Losing doesn’t awaken your ego, the unhelpful part
In games or life scenarios that involve any sort of competition, you take the challenge in stride, do your best, and make observations to gather more knowledge about how to improve your approach. You also acknowledge how well you did and can see signs of growth compared to previous attempts or engagement.
2. Time to just be still, doing nothing (productively focused) is savored
Not as a result of being exhausted from the day, week, or an occasion in which you were ‘doing’, but instead because you know there is great value and nourishment in not always being active.
3. Your chosen social ties leave you nourished no matter how frequent, how long or short the occasion may be
Because you have consciously invested as well as edited your social network (both personal and professional), no longer do you feel drained after your social time. Granted, there may be atypical situations that cause acute stress, but they are due to factors beyond the person or people you gather with and are anomalies.
Thoughtfully choosing how, where, and the frequency of your social interactions where you have control, your social network has become an enjoyment in your life, and an ingredient that deepens the quality of your lived experience.
4. Your default choices, the ones you make out of habit (what to eat, chosen activities, how you think, etc. ) are also nourishing choices that support the life you love living
5. You speak honestly without blaming or judgment
In so doing, you exhibit courage because you are honoring your integrity while also making yourself vulnerable, setting boundaries while taking responsibility for your choices without berating yourself.
6. More of your days and life are full of what you love and what delights you
Whenever you take a moment to reflect, you realize that fewer stresses cross your path, or maybe, upon closer reflection, you realize you are not letting stresses derail you because you now have the tools to see them for what they are, take responsibility when it is yours to take, and let go if it is not your responsibility.
With regards to taking responsibility, you are making choices that genuinely honor what brings you to life rather than making decisions to please others or gain approval. By doing this, you are organically energizing yourself and creating a life that excites you to be able to live.
7. Even if you wake up in the middle of the night (for any reason – bad dream, hot flash, a noise, etc.) you know how to bring yourself back to sleep
Applying the knowledge of both the mind, as well as breath work (paired with a supportive sleeping environment), you know how to use tools (we teach them in the Contentment Masterclass) to quiet the mind and let it rest.
8. You no longer try to ‘fix’ others or solve their problems
You may listen, but you also protect your energy, setting boundaries as each situation calls for, based on your needs and what you are able and willing to give to each situation and person. You’ve found a balance that works with those you love and want to continue to have relationships with.
9. Even if your mind still becomes distracted while meditating, you look forward to your regular practice
Explore TSLL’s mini-episodes of guided meditations and the many topics discussed.
10. You have consciously included analog details in your daily life that provide balance, presence and protect what is important to you
11. You celebrate others’ good news, successes and victories without envy, jealousy or judgment – and sincerely mean it
When we are at peace in our own lives, have taken responsibility for our life journey, we have compassion for others as they make their own way. So when we see them reach a happy, joyous moment of celebration, whether we understand it or would choose the same thing for ourselves, we can genuinely be happy for them.
12. Your life includes a balance of chosen challenges that stretch you as well as rituals that you savor that let your relax and just enjoy
13. Waking up in the morning, no matter what the day of the week, is something that excites you
It is possible, even on your ‘Monday’, whichever day of the week that is, for you can feel an overwhelming eagerness to get out of bed and begin the day. Fueled by gratitude for all that makes it possible to have a new day, and because you have consciously taken responsibility for what you can along your life journey, you are living a life you love. And that is most definitely something you want more days to be able to do. Each day you awake is one more.
14. You are at least beginning to dabble in activities that hold your full attention and tickle your curiosity
Wherever you are along the journey of discovering your dharma (which absolutely can be multifaceted), when you discover such moments in which you are fully engaged without being required to do so, you have found something priceless that is unique to your life journey and fulfillment.
15. Your response to unwanted moments involves appreciation
When things don’t work out as hoped, you hear ‘no’ to a request you’ve made or you realize you have more work to do to reach your desired outcome, in this unwanted moment, you see the gift, the lesson received, that you can apply moving forward, even if you don’t know when the next opportunity will arrive.
16. Self-awareness shows you the way forward when change is needed
When repeated rejection happens, you are self-aware enough to know that either you need to choose a different door you hadn’t considered, or you need to change your approach, skill set, etc.
17. You are brave enough to share what you like, even if nobody else understands or has similar tastes
Instead of expressing dislikes or complaining about what you don’t want to happen or don’t like what has happened, you are brave enough, i.e., make yourself vulnerable, by sharing what you enjoy, appreciate, love, and are interested in. You do this sincerely, without expecting others to become your chorus, and do so instead to honor your integrity. Sometimes you will meet folks with similar interests, and always, folks will know they, too, can be brave in your presence or, at the very least, appreciate your goodwill and willingness to contribute rather than complain.
18. You’ve found peace with not knowing
Not knowing how everything will work out, not knowing how it will unfold when you step forward in a new direction, not knowing what people will think, not knowing things we cannot know. So long as you’ve educated yourself with what is available to learn, you carry your self-trust with you, and you meet the day with your full heart, open mind, and good intentions to be present.
19. You have apologized when upon reflection you realize you made a mistake
We’re not talking about apologizing incessantly (which is an unhealthy habit meant to gain approval) or about making an error when something doesn’t go just right. We’re talking about when we don’t follow the ethos that exhibits our approach to living a life of contentment. Maybe we ended up blaming someone, maybe we became angry when someone made a life decision we wouldn’t have made for ourselves, or would prefer they didn’t make, maybe we didn’t speak from a place of loving-kindness. Following giving ourselves some time to rest and gain clarity, we realize we made a mistake, and we need to apologize. And we then do so.
20. You genuinely know you are enough and while you may not know yet all the amazing gifts you possess, you know you have them
Part of living a life of contentment is being forever curious, and it is our curiosity that leads us to the discoveries that feel a bit like puzzle pieces upon reflection. But in the moment, we cannot know how it will also come together. This is why we welcome curiosity into life. And when we trust ourselves while also knowing our self-worth, something that nobody can take away from us, we know that we have what it takes, even if we don’t know what or where exactly we are headed or how it will all come together. And that is part of what makes living fun.
The Simple Truth About Your Purpose (and why you are enough and already have everything you need to build a happy life)
21. Even if you’ve experienced none of the above yet, if you have ever . . .
. . . realized what would have been a more constructive, more nourishing choice, then your awareness is beginning to grow. And awareness, especially self-awareness, is a foundational component of living a life of contentment. We must first know what isn’t working and understand both why and how to correct or change it in order to change. Because it has to be our choice and it must be conscious in order to make it permanent. Be patient with yourself. Knowing is having made significant growth.
Today’s list is just a sampling of all of the growth you will experience as you journey along while cultivating contentment for your unique life. You can read about more of the areas of growth here on the course information page. And the beautiful part of the growth process is that it is less about achieving and more about living fully and thoroughly enjoying your days. This begins to happen as you apply the skills, skills that will be tailored to what you need to learn to heal, to better understand and to be able to tap into your strengths. As you do this, the growth happens naturally and feels almost like magic, even though it is absolutely happening because you set the intention and took action. So indeed, pop the champagne regularly, pop yourself some popcorn (if that is a favorite simple snack you delight in as I do), and pat yourself on the back. You are doing an awesome job of living well right now, in this moment.
One of the simplest ways to assess our growth is to remember a situation we recently found ourselves in, in which we engaged as we had hoped we might, applying the skills and making a different, more nourishing, constructive decision. No matter how significant it may seem to others, when we can reflect even further back to a similar scenario in which we didn’t engage as we wanted, then we know that we have grown. And that growth was a choice. It didn’t just happen because it was a new scenario. Nope. It happened because of how you chose to engage, how you chose to apply the tools and skills you learned.
Hold on to these moments because they are a reminder that you can change, that you have the ability to engage well with the present moment, no matter what is happening around you, so that once that moment concludes, you will be at peace with how you showed up.
May your today be filled with moments that demonstrate how awesome living your one and only life is, and may you wake up tomorrow excited to begin a new day.
~Learn more about TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass: explore the full, detailed syllabus, watch the trailer and read student reviews.
SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY
The Benefits I Have Witnessed in My Daily Life following meditation regularly (scroll to the bottom half of this post)
~Explore more Contentment-focused posts here in TSLL’s Archives.
