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“Compassion is not co-dependence. It does not mean we lose our self-respect or sacrifice ourself blindly for others. In the West we are confused about this point. We mistakenly fear that if we become too compassionate we will be overwhelmed by the suffering of others. But this happens only when our compassion is one-sided. In Buddhist psychology compassion is a circle that encompasses all beings, including ourselves. Compassion blossoms only when we remember ourself and others, when the two sides are in harmony.” —Jack Kornfield, author of The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology
To live with compassion is to know kindness. To both give in such a way that is nourishing to someone else’s journey without any regard to our opinion about what their journey may be and to receive kindness in similar distribution.
A helping hand given to someone in distress, providing calm so they can rest their thoughts and feel safe to make the best next decision for their day. Our awareness of a plant or animal in need of food, water or shelter from the storm, and giving or finding these necessities to provide for them. Now flip the script on each of these to view yourself. In moments of fatigue, in moments of grief, in moments of distress or under nourishment of any kind, we also must give to ourselves what we need.
When we give compassion, we nourish ourselves and others in such a way not just to enable subsistence, but to provide enlivening nourishment that enables us to live fully, yes, to be able to thrive should we have the tools to know how to do so (many of these tools are shared here). Those tools lead us to living our life of contentment. A life that will be unique in what we discover to bring us fulfillment, but what we discover simultaneously gives to the world and to ourself. The act of compassion provides the ‘floor’ that gives the steadying foundation and thus the ability to live with dignity. Likewise, the plant and animal and insect can give their full beauty, gifts and love and awesomeness to the world, further deepening the cycle of awareness, love, and appreciation. The giving of compassion is self-nourishing to the world where we all can savor living well.
Compassion involves being in tune with what we already know deeply within ourself if we peel away the interpretations and messaging of the world that tell us how to live to fit a certain mold in order to be accepted. Compassion, as defined in the western world’s dictionary is misunderstood. It is not pity and it is not solely about others. (explore the difference between pity and kindness here)
Through the Buddhist psychology, compassion encompasses both ourself and others. Compassion is innate. It is what makes us human. But what we often misunderstand is that it does not reflect weakness nor make us ‘soft’.
Interestingly enough, “there is a yes in compassion, and there is also a no, said with the same courage of heart. No to abuse, no to racism, no to violence, both personal and worldwide. The no is said not out of hate but out of an unwavering care.”
Buddhist psychology describes this as the “fierce sword of compassion”.
The ‘no’ shows up in our life, if we are living in contentment, in the form of setting healthy boundaries in our personal world, as well as standing up and constructively saying no to bullies of the world by taking action. It is important to understand however, that ‘no’ is always done with loving-kindness, not with aggression, nor by causing pain or anguish. Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. demonstrated this act of compassion, a conscious way of engaging that requires discipline, thus responsive activity, not reaction or rash behavior.
On the road to contentment, we are actually headed toward living a life of true compassion. When we finally know and live with true compassion, then we know peace in every day. A peace that accompanies us no matter what is going on outside of us that we cannot control directly or at all. Also, we experience a peace within ourself knowing how to engage with the present moment fully, giving our energy to our dharma that both fulfills us and gives to the world constructively. But where does that road begin? It begins with calm, something we have talked about before here on TSLL (scroll to #3 on this post) and what is taught in detail in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass.
We must rest in a state of calm because only then are we able to gain clarity. From that clarity, we begin making the best decisions from a knowing heart of who we truly are, what energizes us, what brings us to life, and that is how we build a life of contentment informed by what we discover to be our dharma. Once we reside in contentment, then we can fully and deeply be compassionate seeing the preciousness in all beings – humans, animals, plants and insects – as the Dalai Lama reminds.
It takes courage to be compassionate because we often have been encouraged to build up an armor that prevents us from tapping into what is intuitively within each of us. “Compassion is natural and intuitive” and thankfully, “it can be reawakened”.
Jack Kornfield, who holds a Ph.D in clinical psychology and is internationally renowned for being one of the leaders to introduce Buddhist practice and psychology to the West, reassures that a powerful fact we often may forget in difficult times is that “our individual lives and our whole society are built upon innumerable acts of kindness.” It is ignorance to our true nature and having experienced trauma “that can obscure compassion [and] on a global scale, ignorance manifests as injustice, racism, exploitation and violence.”
We return to our compassionate heart when we quiet ourselves, thus rest in the state of calm mentioned above. This invites the heart to open, to listen, to explore, and from there we have the opportunity to gain clarity and the road then can continue to unfold toward contentment and ultimately to residing in compassion for ourself and others.
May you begin the week well with strength of heart knowing compassion is a superpower that resides within each of us. And the awesome news is that if we are brave enough to let it come forth, it will “bring us back to life”.
~All quotes sourced from Dr. Jack Kornfield’s book The Wise Heart
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