“Loudmouthed fear is more likely to lurch out at you, but that doesn’t make it credible. Courage often has a quieter charisma, a goodness that increases confidence in yourself and humankind to defeat adversity. Acting courageously is intuition at its finest, listening to what’s most nobly on center, whereas fear can elbow out our intuition.” —Judith Orloff, M.D., author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life

When a change in our life is needed – to improve our well-being, to deepen our contentment, to fulfill a dream, simply to evolve into our full capabilities – an interim period takes place. This interim is a bridge – temporary, but necessary – to provide the structure for us to arrive where we wish to go. The bridge itself is not temporary, and we can always turn back, but it is necessary to cross, as what we are seeking does not exist in the way we are currently living.

There is an area of wilderness I often will walk in with my dogs. However, I haven’t walked on all of the trails, yet I do know their whereabouts generally. One day, while on a frequented trail, I decided to step off of it and head toward a new-to-me trail. Off trail I was, but I had enough information about the trail system to know that what I was looking for (the trail I had yet to walk on) did exist and, therefore, was possible to find if I headed in the right direction.

The off-trail portion of my walk is very much like the interim of our stepping toward a choice to make an intentional change. We have to step off the trail at some point if we want to find another trail better suited for us. But we don’t step off rashly or without forethought.

We’ve done our homework; we’re not stepping blindly into the abyss of unknowns, but we’ve never done what we are doing. It is new to us. Where we are heading, we have never been before, so we are not acting on default behaviors or habits. Instead, hyper-alert with each step (literally, in the case of the non-trail I was on) to make sure we step safely yet keep making progress. With each step, we learn how to best navigate the new terrain, a new terrain that brings us ever closer to where we wish to arrive.

Now, arriving at our intended destination, experiencing what we hope to experience, is not guaranteed. First, we may not arrive at all. We may let our fear squelch our intuition (which is what fear does, as psychiatrist Judith Orloff reminds, “As I see it, fear makes us panic and forsake our intuitive good sense”), and if we let fear do this, we will not step onto the bridge (the interim), or we may begin to journey over the bridge, but turn around returning to what we know but that leaves us discontent. Either way, in so doing (or not doing), we do not allow ourselves to arrive where we’ve dreamed of arriving.

But the fear will present itself each time we desire to stretch, to grow. To change.

Anytime we are doing something new paired with something that aligns with our true self (whether we fully understand how, or not, the niggling to do, to pursue, to experience whatever it is won’t subside), there will be fear. Why? Because what we actually are fearful of, is what life could have been if only we would have trusted our guiding intuition and traversed the interim to eventually arrive at the other side. If we didn’t care about giving it a try to see what could be, there wouldn’t be fear. That in and of itself is a sign that this is something to explore and step towards. (read more about fear’s real message here)

And this is the cool and what-must-be-understood part about fear’s arrival. It is how we acquire courage.

“Courage or fear is a choice . . . freedom comes from making such brave choices. Along the way, if you believe in God, fine. If you don’t believe in God, fine. All that’s necessary is that you can draw on a positive force of good greater than any negative emotion to regroup when fear shrinks your IQ and intuition. Knowing that this is freeing impels you toward transformation.”

Now, let’s step back on the non-trail that Nelle (my pup) and I found ourselves on. I knew as long as I kept wandering in the direction I had set myself on, I would come across the trail I was looking for. This trail would take me exactly where I needed and wanted to go. As I began to walk, I had to zigzag a few times to avoid stumps, dips, and trees. The trajectory wasn’t a straight line, but gradually, with each step, progress was made. All of a sudden, I thought I saw the edge of the new trail quite a ways ahead of me, but I saw it! My speed of steps ticked up, and my line became more direct and confident. Then a funny thing happened. What I thought was the trail straight ahead of me, but still a ways off, wasn’t actually the trail at all, but in just a few short steps, I stepped right onto the trail I was looking for. Yep, I had been heading in the right direction, and yep, my confidence to step more assuredly led me to finding what I had intended sooner than I had anticipated. Turns out, I was closer than I realized, but I would have never found it had I not stepped off the well-trodden trail I had known.

Now, you may be thinking – what was it that you saw further in the distance? This is the beautiful gift we receive: Our confidence builds as we choose courage over fear. This chosen courage quells the fear that wants to shrink our intuition and obscure any clear-eyed thinking. With our newfound confidence (that we have given to ourselves!), we begin to trust ourselves to explore further, to try more and new things, and to not stay still if our curiosity is pulling us elsewhere. We now have strengthened our muscle of courage that can recognize when fear arises. And when it does, we know how to interpret what it is trying to say and what it is trying to do.

Absolutely, each of us makes the choice to continue over the bridge that is the interim into our new way of life – relationships, work, business venture, place we call home; new way of engaging with the world – new anything. Throw in anything outside of our control that we must patiently wait out before our dream can materialize. How we view the experience of the interim will determine where and if we arrive at all at our desired destination.

And there is something else of note that happens during the interim that plays a crucial role in the design of our outcome. Along the way, we are given opportunities to learn the skills that will be necessary to thrive in our new destination. These will be skills we have not yet honed or, for whatever reason, have chosen not to add to our toolbox. But when we run into these opportunities (our old self would have described them as obstacles) during our interim journey (often they appear as difficulties, acute stressors, places of resistance that we would prefer weren’t there to navigate), they arrive to help us. They are happening because learning such skills will ensure we are fully prepared and capable of living well in the new situation we wish to be.

So if you are already on the bridge of the interim and are experiencing unwanted events, reframe the experience. What are you resisting? Often, what we are resisting is something we need to explore within ourselves and have refused to face, unconsciously or consciously, up until this point, to do so. When we set aside our ego enough to realize this truth, we are beginning to open the door, the door we will be able to step through to arrive at where we wished to arrive when we stepped off the trail and traversed toward a new destination.

Here’s one final analogy to keep in mind as you begin to step into the interim. I chose this particular bridge from my files of captured bridge photos because it exemplifies the beauty that is the opportunity of growth, should we choose to embrace it. That bridge is always there, should you choose to gather up your courage and cross it. It is strong, and it was built with intention to ensure you arrive safely on the other side. But it isn’t forcing you to cross. That is your choice. Handrails are permanent design details to make sure you don’t fall off either side. It is designed to be the tool to help you succeed. Interims are necessary, but so long as we see them as offering opportunity, not as an obstacle, we are more assuredly going to arrive on the other side and likely more swiftly as well. Choose to step onto the bridge and continue all the way across.

Here’s to choosing to be brave, to not turn around cowed by fear. It will be nerve-shaking, but only because it matters that we persevere. May you have a strong and confident start to the new week.

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~Photo: Halfmoon Bridge at Crystal Springs Gardens in Portland, Oregon

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