“Taking back your power means reclaiming responsibility for your life. It means demanding more of yourself because time is ticking, and you’ve wasted enough of it worrying about things that don’t matter. It means being laser focused on the things you can control, and not giving a single second to the things you can’t . . . Let Me create a better life. A life that makes me proud. A life that makes me happy. A life where I use my precious energy to enjoy every single moment I will have . . . all it takes is two simple words: Let Me.“ —Mel Robbins, from her latest book The Let Them Theory

Let me.

With good reason, the first phrase of Mel Robbins’ new book has been becoming commonplace, but as readers read the book, they begin to realize that if we only apply the Let Them theory to our lives, our lives will not change. It is the follow-up phrase, the action phrase that is Let Me that carries the magic that will change our lives should we brave enough to embrace it.

Many of the lessons shared throughout the book overlap what is shared here on TSLL and how to live a life of contentment, a life in which we take responsibility for what is in our control and let go of what is not. Easier said than done, so it is always helpful for many different teachers with their different approaches to extol the importance of this life transforming truth for living well, to finding peace in our days and fulfillment throughout our life journey.

In today’s episode/post, we’re going to explore what Let Me looks like in our everyday life, and if what is shared speaks to you, I highly recommend you picking up The Let Them Theory book, Mel Robbins book that was released on December 24, 2024.

1. Set yourself free of relationships with emotionally immature adults

When someone (an adult) in your life continues to exhibit emotional immaturity or engage in emotional abuse, remind yourself that to learn how to have emotional intelligence is their responsibility and not yours. Robbins teaches, it is our “responsibility to protect ourself from their emotional spiral”. Let them engage in passive aggressive behavior by going silent or ghosting. “Let them play the victim. Let them deny what happened.” Let them blame others for their choices. Anything that demonstrates a lack of awareness about their emotions and navigating them in an unloving manner, let them. But then immediately, remember to Let Me ” remind myself that managing another person’s emotions is not my job.”

Our responsibility is to stop carrying the guilt or the burden of remaining in the situation and taking this treatment. Whether we choose to talk to them about it directly or not is entirely up to us and the relationship. Robbins implores readers to “demand the change of yourself. Hold yourself to a higher standard and stop allowing this type of emotional immature behavior to be your responsibility to manage.” Let them endure the consequences of their behavior, and what those are are of no concern to you. Move forward with your life, let go and let yourself be free to choose healthier relationships.

What you are doing is something we talk about in-depth in episode #343, setting boundaries which will contribute to experiencing true contentment.

2. Be a person who becomes an emotionally mature adult

As you read through her book, it is as much about being aware of what we have allowed from others that is unhealthy as it is of being mindful of areas in our own life we can grow, and being a mature adult is something we have to choose to do, and fundamentally, we can argue that it begins with having a healthy emotional intelligence. Understanding what emotions are, understanding why they arise, how long they will be present and how to engage with them in a healthy, constructive manner, or let them go.

That last phrase appears again – let them. An emotionally mature adult doesn’t suppress any emotion, but they also do not react to any emotion that arises either. Let Me begins when we choose to not react, and instead take a breath, observe and decide how or if we will respond. The difference between reacting and responding is profound when we understand the consequences of each, and we explore this in detail in episode #145.

Another aspect of understanding our emotions involves knowing ourselves well. And knowing when we begin to notice our ability to not react waining. This often happens when we are tired, hungry, angry, stressed, under the influence, or feel attacked personally. The good news that even in these situations, we can refrain from reacting by simply being aware of this truth. Self-awareness, the courage to become more aware of ourselves and our environment will bring the opportunity to make better choices to begin to cultivate a life that reduces moments where we will be prone to react.

Robbins reminds, we always have the power to choose. That is our power. That is exercising the Let Me part of her theory.

~in episode #140, the topic of Emotional Intelligence (IQ) is explored in-depth.

3. Making the right decision for you is often going to initially feel wrong

Throughout your life, if you are listening and responding to your inner compass, there will be times that require you to make decisions that are not supported or applauded by those around you. That is their choice, and there is nothing wrong with that. Let Them, as Robbins advises. Let them be upset, disappointed even heartbroken (ending a relationship for example), but emotions are evanescent, and they have the right to feel what they feel, just as you have the right to make the decision that is best for you. And that is where Let Me comes in.

“Let Me is the part where you remind yourself that this too shall pass. You are stronger than anyone’s emotional reaction . . . Let Me do the hard thing that is painful now, because it is the right thing to do and will save me from so much pain later. Let me give myself the opportunity to have the life I deserve.”

Embrace the courage that you will need, but indeed do have within you even if you haven’t exercised it for a while, to make the decision that is right for you and your life journey.

4. Comparison strain, no more

“Let Them live their life. Let Me focus on mine. You’re too smart to waste your life torturing yourself. Hold on to your power, because you’re going to need it to unlock the potential of your own unique life.”

Whether you have a habit of scrolling through social media and being drawn to others’ lives and wishing yours could resemble theirs, or maybe you have friends or family members whose lives you compare yours to – your siblings, your parents, etc. , when we do this, we stop enjoying our own lives and realizing the potential we have within us to live our own unique life journey.

Sometimes this type of comparison is conscious, but sometimes it is unconscious, especially when it comes to the family structure we grew up in. And often when we begin to make different choices than what is expected or understood, we may feel guilt or place more pressure on ourselves to prove that our decision is right. Let me take that burden, those burdens, off your shoulders because where Let Me comes in, letting yourself be happy living the life you have chosen to live.

When we let go of comparison in all its forms with others of any kind, we free up energy that had been expended unnecessarily and begin to give it back to ourselves to enjoy living rather than feeling shame for not being enough, doing enough or figuring out the way to live as others have done. You know what’s in your heart. You know what fills you with joy and wonder. You know what brings you peace. Just because you grew up in the same town or are related by blood does not mean you are wired in the same way. Trust yourself, and then let yourself be happy living the life that brings you to life.

5. Comparison used for self-growth

Now you may be saying, but I have an emotional reaction when I see [insert the life or lifestyle that always catches your eye and invokes the emotion of desire or jealous], isn’t it trying to alert me to something? Yep, it is, so instead of letting yourself feel anything negative, use it as inspiration. Let people’s lives, if they are doing something that you wish you could do, inspire you to stop wishing and start learning and putting in the effort, time and money to make it happen.

Yet again, everything is happening to nudge you in the direction of our potential if only we would see it this way. In my own life journey, whenever I observed a woman living her own life, in her own home and especially someone who was a writer, I was enamored. I became wistful and wondered, is that really possible? Granted this dream began when I was in my teenage years, but I never let go of it. I paid attention to what my curiosity was drawn to and just kept making decision, putting in the work to give my life the chance to make that dream a reality. The same can be said for spending time in France or Britain or having dogs in my life instead of children. I was always drawn to these ways of life, but they weren’t always a part of my life until I make the effort, the decisions, invested the time and money, and took responsibility to make it my life.

“When you let other people lead the way [by what you are drawn to in their life and wish you had], you’ll realize that beneath all the fear and excuses and time wasted is the life you’ve wanted all along.”

In time, once you have stepped fully into letting yourself be honest about what you truly want, and then begin to take full responsibility for creating it, you will soon discover you are living the life you had once been envious of, dreamed about, and may have thought initially impossible.

6. Become a Good Adult Friend by understanding these two truths

Robbins straight-forward talk refreshingly reminds us of what we have unconsciously know as we attempted to navigate, maintain, and understand how to foster healthy adult relationships – we were never taught how to establish, maintain and let them go lovingly. Thankfully, she offers detailed insight and advice that just makes sense.

First, we have to be flexible and that is where the Let Them theory comes in. And the Let Me part comes into play when we choose to be proactive.

Three factors can prompt a friendship to begin or cause it to dwindle, and there is nothing wrong if the latter happens, and it kind of by chance when the former happens. Being aware of these facts will make it easier to Let Them do whatever they do, so you can move forward and Let yourself continue to be loving and kind while maintaining your integrity.

• Proximity
• Timing
• Energy

Embrace and understand this truth and it will release much tension, stress and/or anger you may have felt in past friendships.

The proactive piece of creating healthy adult friendships is to let go of expectations and start taking the initiative by being someone others enjoy being around. This does not mean being someone you are not. Rather just the opposite. Head out to events or meet-ups that genuinely interest you. Once you are there, be kind, be curious, smile, remember their dog or child’s name, say hello and giving a sincere compliment is never a bad idea if it comes from a place of no expectation. Again, it’s helpful to remind that we have no expectations. And throughout all of this Robbins insists, give it a year. If you are new to a town, a country, etc., or if you have never truly put in the effort to build adult friendships, give yourself a year of doing so, be patient, be genuine and don’t give up.

The Let Me comes into play by making the effort. Make the effort and keep in mind a truth I have also found to be true as I put forth the effort in my new neighborhood in Bend over these past five years, “the warmth you offer others always finds it way back to you.” It just may not be from that person who you gave it to, and it will always happen out of the blue. Let Them and savor that too.

7. Find real love

First, and I deeply appreciated Robbins’ acknowledgement of this truth, “You weren’t put on the earth to be somebody’s wife or husband. You are here to fulfill our dreams; share your story; and create a big, beautiful, amazing life.” Thank you Mel.

Be choosy. If you are seeking to find a partner to share your life with, then remember that “finding love is more about saying no than it is about saying yes.”

Let Them enables you to see each person for who they truly are, and then you permit yourself, Let Me to say no thank you and move on. No fighting, no anger that they aren’t as you wish they would be, or texted back when you wished they would text back, the question you have to answer is do you want to be treated like this? It again all comes back to being brave, mustering up your courage and utilizing the control that is yours to “choose who gets your time and energy and who doesn’t”.

All of the “failed” dates weren’t failures insomuch as they reveal what you do not want. The freedom arrives and thus more enjoyment as it pertains to dating when we realize, we, each one of us “gets to choose who and how we love”. Hold on to this truth and exercise it as you get to know people, and never forget that “people’s behavior tells you exactly how they feel about you”. Not their words, their actions. This includes their words to be able to apologize or communicate, so while yes, these are words, it is important to actual that some words are considered actions. Let Them reveal who they are and then Let Yourself choose a loving and kind connection that is truly capable of being the love that will resonate with you.

8. Never forget your value and what you want

Sometimes when we get involved in a relationship and we are guided by expectations of what we want it to be, we may be so focused on making the relationship into that ‘want’ that we forgo what we value and what will truly make us be fulfilled long-term and in the everyday at peace with ourselves.

The Let Me approach reminds us to proactively choose to express what we need or what we cannot live without, and be at peace with whatever the other person’s response is. Let Them express what they can give and what they cannot. Let Them respond to what you share in truth about yourself. No expectations of the outcome of the conversations, but you walk away or continue forward knowing you have your power, your values and you will be at peace.

9. Be the love of your life

“You don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy, to pursue your passions, express yourself more, or to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. The only permission you need is your own. You’ve spent enough time waiting for others to give you what you crave—whether it’s love, acceptance, or approval. But the truth is, everything you’re looking for starts with you.”

The life you are dreaming of starts with embracing this truth – when we realize we are the love of our life, we begin to respect ourselves, be kind to ourselves and honor our yearnings and inner voice. When we do this, we stop expecting others to finish us, complete us or provide the life we want. Relationships will be a part of our life, but healthy relationships require us to first have a healthy and loving relationship with ourselves. If we don’t have that, if we think we are not enough, if we don’t value or trust our dreams and must get approval for them before we proceed, we do not have the love and respect for ourselves that we need to build the healthy relationships we seek.

“This isn’t about becoming self-centered or shutting others out. It’s about recognizing that the love, respect, and care you give yourself sets the standard for every other relationship in your life. When you stop chasing validation from others and start choosing to honor yourself, you send a powerful message to the world about how you deserve to be treated.”

10. No longer consumed with what is not in your control

“The most important part of the Let Them Theory is understanding that you are responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for the energy you bring and how you show up. You are responsible for waking up every day and doing the work to make progress on what matters. You are responsible for defining what matters to you. You are responsible for telling the truth even when it’s really hard. You are responsible for paying for your life. Nobody owes you anything, but you owe yourself everything.”

Part of the reason some of us aren’t living the life we wish we could is because we haven’t put in the necessary work, and we haven’t been brave. Now, being brave appears in many different forms, but in the case of Let Them, Let Me, it involves, let’s refer back to #3, making choices that will upset people. We aren’t doing it to upset them, but as a side effect, we might, and that makes us uncomfortable because we are a caring person. We are a person with awareness and emotional intelligence, and it is just these traits that will guide you through this temporary difficult time that you must go through to start living the life that is calling your name.

You cannot control others’ actions, reactions, opinions, etc. Let Them do what they will do and you choose what is best and most healthy for you. Protect yourself, honor your needs and start choosing your own peace. Some people you love may change, but that is up to them, in their own time, but some may not, and that is also their choice. Inspire others to be brave to change by modeling it in your own life. Step into a life you love living and let them see your contentment, your joy, you delight with all that begins to come fruition in ways that may have never been imagined. Let your life inspire others, and it all begins with Let Me choose my life and my peace.

You’ve got this, and you’ve got TSLL community supporting you. On y va !

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~read the full review here and discover all the links.

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