“Living with ease means finding your own sweet spot, which blends a good mix of serenity with a sense of being awake in the world.” —Sandra Pawula

The open-floor plan of the living room, dining room, and kitchen had absorbed the office. My desk was nestled behind the sofa and between the dining room table. I could see my work, my computer, planner, files, etc., while trying to relax in the evenings, cook a meal to unwind, and read a book snuggled by the fireplace.

All of this rearranging came expectedly and wantedly, new hardwoods in the office! More than worth the minor upheaval; it’s a welcomed event, a reason to cheer. I didn’t feel the upheaval all that much. In fact, in the middle of week one and two, I decided to make the most of the chaos and wallpaper two small rooms, following having painted the ceilings in the laundry room and then the small hallway leading to my bedroom. Why not? Instead of drawing out the disorder, combine it into the same moment to reduce the amount of days living in a home of clutter. I handled this far better than I may have in the past. Nelle, my 3 1/2 year old pup, was a bit more stressed by it all. The disorder was unsettling.

When we don’t know why something is happening or when it will end, that uncertainty ushers in stress. Her daily routine had been completely upended. Her place to rest and nap for a good 5-8 hours during each day was now gone. And by the end of the two weeks, I saw clearly how it had affected her, and how relieved she was to have her office back. The moment I began moving the furniture to its rightful room, placing the first chair – the large wingback salmon chair seen in the photo below – behind the desk, she ran, sprinted is more like it, to that chair, and curled up in it for hours while I put everything else back into its permanent place. She was exhausted and now, finally, felt relief.

Even when we know something is temporary and understand why it is happening, whether it is something we are excited to welcome into our lives or not, the knowing does provide some peace, but still, we can feel unsettled. In these latter situations, when we know and understand the why, we are given an opportunity to both deepen our appreciation of the sanctuary and ease we have created and will return to, as well as live more intentionally by strengthening that ease and valuing the nourishing power it gives to our daily lives.

The truth about living well, how it is possible to do so sustainably for the duration of the rest of our lives, involves the awareness of two seemingly opposite ways of living that really are similar to connecting Lego building blocks. Without one piece, the other cannot occur. What am I talking about? Building a foundation of contentment, which is where ease is experienced, so that we can stretch, so that we can then soar with our newfound freedom to trust ourselves and understand how to maintain ease and peace of mind. They need not be exclusive of one another and, in fact, each needs the other to materialize in our lives.

How we impede either from happening comes in the form of complicating our lives. Most of the time, we complicate our lives unintentionally, i.e., unconsciously, and because of our ignorance, we get in our own way not knowing that we are causing the obstacle. But since we don’t realize we are the person putting the roadblock in our path, how can we know to stop doing it, and then figure out what the ‘it’ is?

Answer this question, and write out the answer in the form of a simple list:

• What, right now, incessantly, relentlessly, consistently whenever it is in your presence or you are working with it, or when it appears leaves you feeling discomfort, causes you to suffer (not causes you pain – they are different as we discuss in this post), brings unease or a feeling of perpetual exhaustion, stress, a feeling of being unsettled?

The good news is we can remedy these unwanted feelings. We do not have to keep feeling them. It comes down to conceptually decluttering or uncomplicating our life. The other piece of good news is that our body and mind are trying to help us out by causing us to feel this way. It is our nervous system’s way of indicating something is out of balance, not in alignment, and it needs our attention to make a change. In other words, to stop doing something we perhaps are doing unconsciously or feel we cannot change, but need to.

First, what causes our nervous system to become out of alignment (dysregulated)? Dr. Linnea Passaler, founder of Heal Your Nervous System, points out that the following can be sources of dysregulation (Next to each source of dysregulation, I have shared a link to a helpful post to remedy the issue.) :

• chaotic and messy spaces (explore episode #4 Core Components to Create a Home for a Healthy Well-Being)
• lack of physical movement (read/listen to episode #208: How to Create an All-Around Healthy Life)
• poor sleep (explore episode #305: 36 Bedtime Daily Rituals and Essential Details to Ensure A Restful Slumber)
• unhealthy food regimen — processed foods, sugary drinks, too much sugar, alcohol, lack of hydration (explore this episode #165: How to Enjoy Eating Every Day and Love the Results)
• chronic stress (read this post to help remove stress for your life)
• lack of time outdoors exposed to natural light, especially the sun (read 7 benefits of spending time in nature)
• over-thinking/rumination (lack of mastery of the mind)
• lack of connection (as I teach in the Contentment Masterclass, there are many types of connection based on our temperament, passions, values, etc.).

Once we have identified with concrete clarity what is causing our life to feel cluttered and complicated, then we need to start clearing that clutter.

4 Shifts Away from Clutter and Toward Ease:

1. Create order where you can

This first example speaks to what caused the stress (albeit temporary) in Nelle’s and my life these past two weeks. The house was cluttered. Too much furniture literally in one room, even though it was a large room. There was too much stimulation for my mind and very few places to rest, even the eyes, to relax our mental beings. Even looking into the guest bedroom which is where I placed the contents of the office closet was stuffed and seeing peering into it caused stress. Finding what I needed was almost impossible, especially when I couldn’t access my bookshelf while the final stages of finishing the floor were in the process of drying.

Creating order involves two tasks, both of which we need to be completely honest with ourselves about to determine whether the choices we make will offer lasting ease: organizing and editing/removing.

As I put my office back together this past Friday, I edited the contents significantly and found a way to remove one piece of furniture entirely, which I only use when I record episodes of the podcast. This prevents me from seeing too many cords and opens my view to see out of my main window. Speaking of blocking my view, I completely rearranged my office to open up the view further and see the beauty of the decor choices more completely – the new herringbone floor and window treatments chosen with care three+ years ago, and even my desk, a favorite consignment treasure found during the throes of lockdown in 2020. Proportionally, as well, the office now feels ‘right’, as it never quite did before, as I couldn’t figure out how to correct it until I began to focus on ‘showcasing’ the floor.

All of these new decisions create order – ease of movement physically, for my eye as well as my mind, and they also remove details that reduced my ability to relax for a variety of reasons (not being able to find things, or simply being unable to relax as I would like in my office, no matter which of the two seats I take).

Where do you need to remove disorder? Does the room, the house, or the office need to be cleaned? Are there piles of work on your desk that immediately cause overwhelm? Is your garage, closet, or any other storage place causing stress just to think about, let alone look at? Would redecorating a particular space bring calm? Do what is needed to remove the disorder and create order. This will bring ease each time you walk into, sit down, or even think about these spaces and routines.

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2. Address the sources of chronic stress and make necessary changes

Stress in life is inevitable, but there is a difference between acute and chronic stress. In episode #299, we explored how to reduce it and when to know if the stress is helpful. A simple observation of how you feel when you tuck in for bed each night can reveal whether or not you are overstressed. Can you bring yourself to a state of calm upon going to bed? Have you established rituals to help you unwind so that you feel at ease before slumber? If you cannot, or if even your rituals are no longer working, most likely your rituals are not the issue, but rather your way of life, which includes your mindset and mastery of your mind. Likely, it also includes responsibilities taken on, choices, and lifestyle, too.

Only you will know the answer. Begin with assessing how you feel regularly when you go to bed, then, if you observe that this is not how you want to feel, start to thoughtfully consider what is causing the stress and work on reducing, maybe not entirely be able to eliminate (but some you might be able to) what is causing you chronic stress.

A quick reminder about necessary stress. Likely, if you have been feeling overstressed for some time, you are going to have to make a significant change in some aspect of your life. This change will temporarily be stressful. This is constructive stress, as we talk about in episode #299. Let’s take my office shuffle for a moment. For quite a few years, I have known I wanted to change the flooring in my office from carpet to hardwood. Spending quite a few hours each day in this space, I know what is conducive to my calm, improves the opportunity for creativity, and what keeps me organized. I also know that with carpet, it had to be professionally cleaned each year because of the heavy foot traffic from the pups and me. With hardwoods, this would not be the case, saving me money each year after the initial investment of installation.

Having tended to as much of the décor and organizational and productivity systems as I could without a contractor’s help, the last piece of the puzzle was the flooring. The temporary stress involved rearranging my budget over the past handful of months when I unexpectedly was gifted the hardwood flooring from a friend, and then concluded with the two weeks that we were temporarily moved out of the office, as shared at the top of this post. All absolutely worth it for the immediate calm, peace, and ease I now feel with what I have gained.

You too will gain the ease you seek when you become clear about what you need and invest in whatever you realize will reduce your stress (it may or may not require money, but it will likely require extra time and attention). Just remember that the stress you experience as you arrive at your new way of living is temporary. Hold that in mind, and repeat this truth to yourself each day or in the evening during the stressful period. There is an end, and it will provide you with the peace you previously only wished you had. Each time you move through this liminal space as you transition into something intentionally chosen, you will trust it more and stress less.

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3. Reëstablish emotional boundaries

With all the constant bad news swirling around us, and knowing you are someone who cares about others, the state of the world, its humans and creatures, and the earth itself, it can be easy to be overwhelmed by what is often described as empathetic suffering. We aren’t directly suffering or even feeling the pain that others we hear about may be enduring, but because we care, because we don’t want such events and decisions to be made that are causing others to suffer, we empathize, imagining what others may be experiencing. This exhausts us emotionally, especially if we are unable to help directly. In fact, because we cannot help directly, the overwhelm may feel even greater.

In such a case, we are actually cluttering our lives, creating complications that we can remedy by exercising awareness. If, upon examination, we realize we cannot do something directly, and our emotional boundaries have been overrun observed by a depletion of our energy and racheting up of stress, we must create distance. This is the nourishing thing to do. Emotional boundaries, when we let them be pushed aside, are as detrimental an act to our well-being as having our physical boundaries ignored. In order to create ease in our life, we have to acknowledge we have only so much energy in a day, and then choose where we want to expend it, where it will be more beneficial. This can absolutely change as life is dynamic and needs shift and change, but being aware when we are losing more than we can give means we need to strengthen our emotional boundaries.

Maybe that comes in the form of limiting the news we watch/listen/read. Maybe that comes in the form of changing how often or in what environment we spend time with certain people. Or maybe that means changing the media we consume (books, tv, films, social media, music, podcasts, etc.). Only you will know what shift needs to be made, but you will know if you take the time to tune in to your true self.

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4. Explore with objectivity your mindset and beliefs

Much of the complication in life is sewn into the beliefs we hold. We become stuck, static, narrow in our thinking when we latch on to ‘this is how it must be done’, or ‘this is the right or wrong way’. Either/Or thinking, institutional beliefs, anytime we hold fast to ideas others have presented and either we have accepted them without questioning or refuse to give them oxygen to move, change, or even evaporate, we are causing complications in our lives unconsciously. And because we are causing it, we can eliminate the complication. This latter truth is very good news.

The opposite of having beliefs is having an open mind, holding ourselves present in the moment so that we can see all that is as it is, and choosing to think critically, be a constant student of life, and tapping into our own inner intelligence. And you’re right, we will not have as much certainty, but the certainty we thought we had was a facade anyway. Stored judgments of how life should be lived cause suffering, and we are the creators of that suffering. When we shift how we think, rather than being told what to think and accepting the dictate, we open up our lives to vast possibilities. That is how we set ourselves free to find what will bring us peace and ease.

Today, examine the list you wrote at the start of this post. Which items on that list stem from thinking something has to be a certain way or has to happen in order for you to be at peace or live as you believe you ‘should’? Anything that comes with a ‘should’ is something to examine for beliefs you have accepted that may actually be why you are suffering in the first place.

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Nothing changes unless we change something.

The ease of being you seek is in your capable hands to create for yourself. The answers of precisely what to change reside within you.

I shared at the top of this post signs that your nervous system is out of alignment, so now let’s look at another list that shares sources of regulation, signs that you are indeed in alignment with yourself and able to more readily experience ease, or at the very least be able to explore with clarity what you need to change to bring about the ease you seek, as shared by Heal Your Nervous System:

• movement of your body – walking, any form of exercise that isn’t stagnant
• exposure to natural light, especially sunlight
• breathing that is deep and calm, under your control and awareness
• speaking of . . . awareness of how you are feeling, your environment, being present
• feeling a sense of connection
• uncluttered physical spaces
• experiencing a good night of sleep
• curiosity is awake and active
• time with, surrounded by or working with Mother Nature
• nourishing food
• hydration

Unlike Nelle, seen below, who had no control over whether her mother redid her office floors, you are an adult with the privilege of choice, of self-advocacy, and capable of taking action. It may not be easy, or maybe it will be easy because by bringing awareness to the cause is all that is needed to give you clarity. Whichever or wherever the change is discovered, it needs to happen to welcome the ease that is possible into your life. Choose to shift away from complication, and you will bring the daily experience of more ease into your life. Ease is a pillar at the foundation of living a life of true contentment, and it is found within each of us, not outside of us. This is why, no matter what is going on in the world, we can still feel at ease. For it is only when we are at ease that we can make clear, well-reasoned, and loving decisions that further promote peace with others and our larger community.

~Nelle on the evening after we finally moved back into our office at Le Papillon. As long-time readers will notice, this chair is in a different location. Yep, the entire office has been rearranged, and I will walk you through the whys and whats later this month. Look for a detailed tour of this newly finished space, the entire space, complete with before & after pics, sourcing, and my guiding objectives later this month. If you are reading this post after March 2026, you can find the tour here in the Archives. Please note, all tours of Le Papillon are for TOP Tier Members exclusively. Learn more about the many benefits of becoming a TOP Tier Member here. ~

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May today’s post, as you step into a new week, be the encouragement to choose yourself. Choose your peace as a priority, because, as noted above, when you are at peace, others around you are more likely to feel at peace as well. Healed people heal others, not always by teaching directly, but by modeling. We do this by taking responsibility for the choices we make that either bring ease or further complicate and thus cause suffering.

Be assured, ease does not mean to be lazy or unmotivated. Quite the contrary. Ease means feeling calm, and when we are calm, we are able to gain clarity about our life’s decisions, direction, etc. Once we have clarity and act bravely on it, we experience contentment as a result of those decisions. Then, we are able to be truly compassionate, not only to ourselves, but to others. Calm leads to Clarity; Clarity leads to Contentment; Contentment leads to Compassion, a chain of experiences that we discuss and teach in detail in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass.

Wishing you a wonderful day. Thank you for stopping by.

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