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“People who are merely adults, who haven’t really grown up, assess risk in terms of the chances of getting caught engaging in risky behavior,” she says. “In contrast, people who are really grown up assess risk… in terms of the actual consequences of the behavior they’re considering.” -Dr. Lisa Damour
The part of growing up that always excited me, was the freedom. And as a child, this is not an uncommon desire. After all, we are often blissfully unaware of the responsibilities that come with the freedom we so eagerly seek – the mortgage, the water bill, insurance and finding the strength to say no when we just can’t afford something. And while we will all increase in age and become adults due to each passing year, that doesn’t mean we have grown-up.
Growing up requires that we purposely choose to mature, that we recognize certain realities and how the world works around us, and thus, how we must behave and think beyond the tip of our nose. Now this is not to say that we must conform and become robots walking in step to whatever society dictates – no, no. But it is becoming aware of how we as an individual contribute and are part of a bigger picture, and thus take responsibility for every action we make.
While initially, such awareness and responsibility may not sound like much fun. After all, when you are a child, most of us didn’t have the stresses we have now as adults, but it is how we handle these stresses and recognizing the amazing benefits when we do choose to grow-up and step into the gift of a world that is a choice, not just something that happens when we turn 18.
Today, I’ve made a list of the differences between being a Grown-Up and being an Adult. Have a look at how they differ, and feel free to add your own examples in the comments.
Understands that dressing appropriately for particular occasions is not only a sign of respect for oneself, but also sign of respect for the occasion, company or people involved.
Wears clothing that exudes their personal style regardless of whether it is appropriate or respectful to the occasion.
2. Friendships & Relationships
G: Regularly and consciously chooses to strengthen and build friendships, not taking them for granted by respecting and supporting them with consistent attention.
A: Expects friends and family to be there regardless of behavior or treatment simply because they are related by blood, marriage or were friends in the past.
3. Oops – You Were Wrong!
G: Upon realizing they’ve made a mistake or should apologize, they do so sincerely, doing their best to not make the same mistake. Then they move forward.
A: Shifts blame to others or circumstances. Must always be right and believes admitting mistakes is a sign of weakness.
4. Adult Substances
G: Respects and understands the effects of foreign substances – drinking and/or smoking. Acts responsibly, understanding the situation, refusing to heed to peer pressure, respecting the expectations placed upon them in life/work and understands how it will affect them individually.
A: Drinks and smokes because they can, regardless of consequence to themselves, others or how it will affect their roles they’ve chosen to hold in their professional or personal lives.
A: Unaware of their presence in a conversation – whether they monopolize the conversation, don’t acknowledge or validate other opinions, remain mute as a way of being passive aggressive when they hear something they disagree with.)
G: Controls their emotions. Keeps their emotions in check when they become agitated and waits until an appropriate time in which they are calm and collected with the best setting to discuss contentious matters.
A: Immediately acts based on their emotional response or institutes passive aggressive behavior towards those they are upset with as a way to punish and gain control rather than resolving the issue.
G: Values their role as a citizen of their community and the world at large recognizing that civility not only strengthens and improves the world around them but enhances their own world as well.
A: Breaks laws or rules because they can get away with it. Doesn’t understand or care what the effects are to those around them or in their community/world.
G: Makes rational decisions based on conscious, patient thought. Considers how it will affect not only their present, but also the future and those around them.
A: Makes rash decisions driven by how good it will feel or simply because they want it and they can have it. They disregard the consequences to themselves and/or others.
9. Planning – Goal Setting
G: While reveling in the moment, they have a plan for the future, and keep themselves in check regarding money, behavior, etc.
A: Short-sighted. Doesn’t plan and only lives in the moment, not thinking about or refusing to realize potential consequences down the road and how it might effect others.
10. The Story Line
G: Chooses to be the hero of their lives.
A: Plays the victim – “someone will help me or it’s not my fault”.
G: Masters their money even when it gets hairy.
A: Ignores the issues which ultimate exasperates them; followed by asking for help.
12. A Changing World
G: Contributes positively in their own way to the world.
A: Becomes cynical of the world, constantly complaining, yet refusing to take action to improve the situation.
13. Getting Along with Others
G: Applauds the success of others, seeing their success as motivation and inspiration.
A: Becomes jealous of others and competitive with them rather than simply trying to be better than the person they were yesterday.
14. Doing/Having It All
G: Takes the time to understand themselves, be clear about their values and passions and lets go of trying to keep up with outside expectations, thus creating a life of true fulfillment.
A: Endlessly trying to keep up with the latest trend they saw or heard about on Facebook, and has a schedule that is full to the point of exhaustion leaving them no time to appreciate the beautiful life they have.
G: Understands that not everyone has to see the world through their lens, and celebrates the differences. While they may not choose to spend time with people who have extremely differing approaches to living, they can do so respectfully, as they would hope others would do for them.
A: Upon meeting someone whose choices don’t sync with their world view, guilt, shame or negativity is strewn about freely in an attempt to make the other party feel inferior.
Choosing to be a grown-up is just that – a choice. One doesn’t just instantaneously become one. At the core of becoming a grown-up is understanding yourself, your values and where you want your life to go. Upon knowing these foundational pieces, it will take strength, but ultimately, it will be easier to say no or find the self-discipline as you begin to live the life of your dreams.
On the surface, it may seem that simply being an adult is “fun”, but really, refusing to be a grown-up simply creates unnecessary stress and prevents amazing moments of joy and pleasure without the guilt to occur. In other words, it’s an investment, and it will pay off.
~Please feel free to share your thoughts on when you knew you had crossed the threshold into being a grown-up rather than simply being an adult.
For more on the differences between being a Grown-Up and being an Adult, you might enjoy this TEDxCLE talk:
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