“You don’t really get anywhere without taking some risk.” —Jodi Kantor, author of How to Start

The instructions listing how to put together the new IKEA furniture purchased. The steps in a recipe taking us toward a successful bake. Gradually shifting down our vehicle to care well for the engine and gears. Following the proper order in these scenarios is worth doing to prevent stress, unnecessary repairs and ensure a delicious dessert. But there are certain instances in life when living out of order in reference to life milestones, life chapters and our life journey in general is a very good sign that you are living a fulfilling life.

Much of our life journey is about figuring out what cannot be known beforehand. We don’t know what the job market will be like in ten years. We cannot predict the economy when we hit the age we may have thought we would retire. We don’t know how culture will change, shift, or progress, and we cannot know what we will discover if we are living a life where we let our curiosity play a co-driver in our life’s path.

All we can do is choose to learn the skills that will support our ability to make the best decisions to live a life of contentment, and thus have more everyday moments that light us up sincerely, while also providing a sense of direction about the life we are building.

The Palais Garnier, aka the Paris Opera House, celebrated its 150th anniversary last year. Commissioned by Emperor Napoleon III in the 1850s, its timeline didn’t come to pass as planned and the building wasn’t christened until 1875. In fact, what we see today is a result of, not in spite of, a war (Franco-Prussian), some water issues, and a revolution (the Paris Commune). It is Charles Garnier who exemplifies our lesson today – become the architect your life and the world you live in needs.

Charles Garnier is the architect behind the magnificent building and interior design that tourists and locals, and artistic talents, marvel at today, which sits in the 9th arrondissement in Paris, but at his birth, no one could have predicted such a successful life story. In fact, they would have likely predicted anything but his great achievement, which is the Palais Garnier.

Being born into poverty, living in one of the worst slums in Paris at the time of his birth, 1825, he made his way to study in Italy and France, and when he was chosen by the Emperor for the commission, he was the first person who was not of noble birth to receive such an opportunity.

Along the journey of building the Opera House, obstacles that would make most architects halt their plans presented themselves. One such obstacle that even just to ponder all that he accomplished boggles the mind is the project of removing water underneath the structure (600 square yards worth) and “shored it up with wooden pylons, layers of concrete and tar, then refilled it with water to balance the pressure of the water tables.” The now famous lake (better described as a massive man-made water tank) that inspired Gaston Leroux to write his classic novel, The Phantom of the Opera, exists, and it was created by Charles Garnier to enable a solid structure to be built for a building that otherwise would not have been possible.

But this wasn’t all Garnier had to navigate through, and what would alter the journey to completion. During the people’s uprising known as the Paris Commune, in order to protect what he had built, he opened up the Palais (still under construction) to serve as a hospital, and it worked – the building and all the work so far completed, remained in tact.

As Garnier demonstrates, the only way to ‘arrive’ at experiencing fulfillment (in his case, to complete the architectural design as he had imagined) and true contentment is to embrace risk and let go of any timeline or order of events. We may take under advisement what others have done or advise. After all, awareness is a crucial skill for living well, including awareness of all the options we can know about. But even then, the options are not complete because tomorrow, next year, and so on down the road is an unchartered world. With each generation, each administration, each new technological advancement, doors open or close, new worlds open up, or realizations are made about what we most long for, if all of a sudden, the opportunity may soon vanish. We cannot know what these will be because we cannot know the future.

Thinking For Yourself often Leads to a Life ‘Out of Order’

Society often judges our success by the order in which we hit life’s milestones, or whether we ‘hit’ them at all. When we experience these events ‘out of order,’ or forego them all together, we challenge the cultural narrative of what it means to have ‘made it.’ But as we all know, when we plan or direct another person’s life, or in this instance, live by anyone else’s life book for our life, that eventually ends in discontent. The discontent may appear in the form of unhappy relationships, job dissatisfaction, seeking approval (and spending too much money) by trying to keep up appearances with others (a version of keeping up with the Joneses, but in any aspect that does come from within – our appearance, our clothing, our home, our job, our relationships, travel plans, etc.), incessant pessimism, or living passively and hoping things will change or thinking that if others in our life change in some way, then you will be happy. Which is why when our life is ‘out of order’ according to anyone’s rules but our own, it means we are thinking for ourselves.

When we think for ourselves, we are exercising self-awareness and presence, and letting curiosity be the fuel we value and continue to replenish by tailoring our daily lives with nourishment uniquely suited to our needs.

Put Down the Life Road Map and Follow Your Curiosity Compass

“The really happy and successful people are practicing a craft. They know how to do something that other people don’t do. It’s skill. It’s expertise.” —Jodi Kantor, in an interview with Aspen Public Radio

When it comes to figuring out what to do with our days, the work we will do that will pay the bills, as New York Times investigative reporter Jodi Kantor points out in her new book, How to Start, look at your options through the lens of building your skill set. Not every job we work at will be our passion, but the skills we gain along the way will forever carry us into the next job or life chapter. It may not even be a job where we learn new skills, but courses, educational degrees, and experiences we choose to fully engage with, even if at the time we don’t know why or how the skills will be used (Garnier’s engineering skills taught him he couldn’t fight the underground water table, he had to manage and contain it instead). So, take that course, travel to that particular destination, offer to volunteer because your curiosity is unrelenting, urging you to explore it. You may not know when or how, but those skills will be forever yours to apply when they may be more helpful than you ever imagined.

For me, it was learning the French language. Without boring you with the story that I have shared oodles of time here on the blog and in my books, while in college, I chose French and then chose to study abroad in France. I longed to learn the language, see the country, and experience the culture. All I know is that I trusted my curiosity. Similarly with blogging back in 2009, curiosity led the way.

Kantor explains that when we follow our passion into stocking a toolbox of skills that tangentially or directly play a role in whatever our passion involves, we are better fortified when ebbs occur in the economy, when unwanted events happen. Why? Because we are doing something we are genuinely curious about and will continue to hone our craft even if the money isn’t great or has been temporarily unattached to doing it.

Out of order is a phrase that only matters if you care about what others think of your life journey. And if you care about what others think of your life journey, my next question is, why do you care about people who don’t care about whether or not you are at peace and content? The road to what will cultivate contentment for you is not on anyone else’s map, but yours, and we each only get the directions after we’ve shown ourselves the way (in other words, there is no map). However, the tools paired with our inner compass are our North Star.

Instead, look at the phrase ‘Out of Order’ as an indication that we are thinking critically: asking questions about ways of life, traditions, societal and familial expectations, poking behind the scenes, and not taking things at face value. What the world needs is people who think for themselves while simultaneously thinking of what the world needs to cultivate peace.

Sometimes, what the world calls on us to do, what the world needs, is completely out of order with what those who came before us have done. Throughout Kantor’s new book, which is primarily directed at college graduates entering the job market, but speaks to anyone trying to figure out how to find clarity about their life’s work, she underscores very simply the two things to figure out. We’ve already explored one above – craft.

“If craft is authority, need is propulsion.” —Jodi Kantor

The need she is speaking about has to do with the job market, but it can just as easily pertain to your entire life. When we tap into our self-awareness, gather up our courage, and choose to be honest about our level of discontent, then we can best assess what we need to heal, what we need to learn, what we need to invest in, what we need to [fill in the box] that will strengthen the foundation of living a life of contentment.

In my own life, once I stopped becoming irritated by people who refused to see my life choices as my preference as they brought me to life – pups as my children instead of traditional children, disinterested in dating and more curious about the world and building a genuine community of friends and acquaintances founded in respect and kindness – my life became both lighter (oodles of peace of mind flooded my days) and brilliantly clear as to what truly mattered to me.

If you, too, can reflect on your life journey or observe it in this moment and know that you have stepped ‘out of line’ with anyone else’s expectations of what a life journey should entail, and did so purely to bring yourself to life, then Out of Order is a sign to celebrate. You are the architect of your life. You are living well, you know how to live well, and the journey ahead will continue to be bright because you have already demonstrated you possess the skills and understand how to use them to navigate the unknowns effectively.

Wishing you a wonderful start to the new week.

~Learn more about TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass: view the detailed syllabus, read student reviews, watch the trailer and more.

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