“Finding balance rarely looks perfect.”
—Kelly van Koppenhagen

Watching the allotted amounts for mandatory expenses increase in our budget, and just when we thought we had a finger on the pulse of saving more money for the dream investment or idea that we’ve been pondering for easily over a year (at least!).

Having finally just acquired the required skills for advancement in our careers, only to see the requirements change, letting us know that we have to invest a little bit more – time and money.

Having cultivated a daily routine that relaxes us, yet gives us room for being productive, but then after some time discovering, a change-up of the routine would be welcomed as well.

Balance is a wiggly concept. I sometimes imagine it as Jell-O that is not contained in a bowl. It never sits still. It seems to have a heartbeat all its own that prevents it from sitting like cement, yet it is absolutely fascinating in its ability to remain upright and stable.

We’ve talked quite a few times about balance in the past here on TSLL, and today we’ll explore how balance is a funny paradox. Full of truths about how it is attained, once we understand them, we can then be at peace with how we make our way toward it.

When we feel balanced, we are both engaged, yet calm. This requires us to be present. Another term that comes into play here, a skill we can learn and what resides at the foundation of feeling a sense of enduring contentment in our lives, is equanimity.

And this is where the paradox enters the equation: achieving balance requires us to monitor well the constant movement of life and all that goes on outside and inside of us (monitor, not control anything beyond our control – key difference). Because life is never still. We are never still, yet we need to be able to maintain an equilibrium in a constantly changing world to remain balanced. Even when we are physically standing still, our heart is still beating, our breath is still moving in and out of our body. The key is to figure out (and be honest with ourselves) about how much and what kind of movement/responsibilities/etc. we can surround ourselves with (externally) and pair our internal skills of a calm mind (our mind is active, yet under our control – this will determine a feeling of balance), self-acceptance, along with clarified intentions of our direction, and balance will be experienced.

One of the parts of yoga that becomes easier the more I practice them is the balancing poses. The combination of improved strength (in my legs, core, arms, most specifically), paired with deep, steady breathing along with the ability to calm my mind so that it is fully present, I can hold my balance longer. Simply my belief in my abilities, knowing that I am stronger, knowing that I can hold myself in the present, gives me the confidence to try new balance poses. My first shoulder stand occurred recently, a pose I never thought I would be able to do even after practicing yoga for nearly 20 years, but I knew the other components were sound (not perfect, but capable), so I gave it a try. Eventually, I was holding the pose. It wasn’t a graceful lead up to reaching balance, but it happened. Part of me is still in disbelief, but the grounded part of me knew it was achievable if only I would keep trying and adjust what I needed along the way.

Finding a balance in our life that fulfills us, that finds us living in such a way that is a dream realized, requires imperfect, unpolished efforts that only if we keep trying, only if we keep ‘kicking up into the shoulder stand’ will we ever be able to reach it. Eventually, our ‘life muscles’ come to understand what must be tightened, strengthened, and what we must stop doing (kicking too hard, not holding our core tight) in order to hold our balance, and once we begin to be more consistent in what will help us hold it, then we eventually achieve it.

Part of what makes finding the balance that fulfills us difficult is that we are still tethered to old ways of living (shopping reflexively, saying yes without prioritizing our needs, sticking to a lizard mindset, etc.) that get us by, but don’t support our progress toward what we week. These ‘old ways’ are enough. They provide a temporary dopamine hit, or less friction in the moment, or make us feel safe, even if it keeps us living smaller than we are capable of.

So, in order to achieve a fulfilling balance, we have to keep making adjustments. We must not give up and remain discontent. Discontentment is merely a sign that contentment is absent, not impossible to experience. We each can learn the skills to cultivate a life of true contentment.

Maybe at this moment, you are looking at your bank account, or your ability to purchase something or advance in some way that upon reaching your desired outcome would bring more balance, more peace of mind, but it just seems farther away from achieving than makes you believe it is possible. But let’s instead shift our mindset. Shift it from “Oh, that is so far away, will take so much time, etc.” to “How awesome is it that I know what will bring balance and fulfillment. I at least know what will be a fulfilling balance.” That is clarity hard-earned, and in just relaxing your mind, you relax your being and essentially your nervous system, returning it to the SNS (savor and stretch mode) to trust that eventually, so long as you keep making progress in all the imperfect steps along the way, you will attain it. And likely, far more quickly than your lizard brain would have you believe. (Learn more about your nervous system and how to regulate it in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass.)

These intentional movements of progress are often called micro-adjustments, which yet again proves that maintaining balance is a paradox.

“After all, balance itself is a paradox. What seems like a static experience is actually [the] endless process of micro-adjustment, which gives the illusion of stillness.” —Melissa S. Cohen, LCSW

We make these adjustments along the way to the balance we seek, and we keep selectively making micro-adjustments once we attain our balance of a fulfilling way of living. It is to live in the present, to be self-aware and mindful, and to know ourselves while also accepting the uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring.

So many components of living a life of contentment come into play when we look at how to attain balance, and so, as I know many TSLL readers are already experiencing and doing, remind yourself that you possess these components, these skills. Now, relax in the knowledge that so long as you keep making adjustments as each day unfolds, the balance will be realized or realized again, if you have felt you once had it, but it slipped away momentarily. It is an exercise in dancing with life while holding with clarity our intention for how we most enjoy living it.

Have a wonderful start to the new week.

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~Learn more about TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass: explore the detailed syllabus, watch the trailer, read reviews and more.