409: How to Make Living Itself An Art, Part Deux (Who is TSLL Written For?)

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“To making living itself an art, that is the goal.” —Henry Miller

To look up the definition of art through an academic lens is to discover there is no one agreed upon definition of art, and to my eye that is what makes it all the more beautiful to cultivate in the way we live each of our lives if we are to heed the above quote’s encouragement of action.

“It is not at all clear that these words – ‘What is art?’ – express anything like a single question, to which competing answers are given, or whether philosophers proposing answers are even engaged in the same debate…. The sheer variety of proposed definitions should give us pause. One cannot help wondering whether there is any sense in which they are attempts to … clarify the same cultural practices, or address the same issue.” —Kendall Walton

Earlier this week, a new series began here on TSLL that will explore and share Who TSLL is Written For? And What Lies at the Heart of Living Simply Luxuriously.

Part Une: We discussed what it means to be a ‘Thinking Person’ in the context of living simply luxuriously and how thinking works as a unit with being compassionate, something we will talk about in-depth in episode #410. The foundational premise is yep, we all have thoughts, that is part of being human, but it is in choosing to learn how to use our thoughts that will determine the quality of our life.

At the core of living a life that brings fulfillment, peace, and allows us to experience contentment throughout every day of our life is an original recipe for living, and for the purposes of looking at art as a way of living, that is one value of ‘art’ that is non-negotiable. Each of our lives will be unique, comprised of chosen details coupled with experiential details that we as the artist have consciously woven together to create a life that is art.

“When you understand that your life is your canvas, your dreams can open and become bigger or more modest, more playful, genuine, tender, caring or intense.” —Jack Kornfield

If we copy the lifestyle of someone else, if we mimic what ‘fall in line’ means when it comes to making choices because others have made them before us, we are a print, and something easily replicated, void of depth, created without courage or daring.

To that last point, in order to make living itself an art requires of us certain things:

bravery (as you trust your journey, you discover what nourishes you, even if others don’t understand, and you with loving-kindness paired with integrity, make choices that honor what you have discovered)
trust in our inner compass (the energy to create your life that is art must come from within otherwise, it is finite and will cease to continue to give you nourishment)
being secure within ourselves (not seeking approval from the outside world, because it may not come as you may be beyond others’ comprehension)

Gather up your ‘utensils’ and apply the skills

As we begin to discover the life that brings us to life, we, just like a traditional artist, must gather up the most effective materials to create it. The life essentials of well-being, skills we choose to learn, to strengthen and apply: mindfulness (by knowing how to hold ourselves in the present moment with understanding how the mind works, we give ourselves the keys to finding peace even during harrowing times and elevate the happy times, creating more of the latter due to our full presence), gratitude, enjoyment of our own company – understanding and valuing the need for solitude as a way to ground, invite and discover the ideas that will pique our curiosity, and time to cultivate a healthy and loving relationship with ourself. And then we become more specific about the materials and tools we will need, to both heal, but then build and ‘feather the nest’ of our daily life.

The life skills lead us to knowing ourself without outside/worldly interpretation. Part of knowing ourselves comes when we have unearthed our dharma. Another way of looking at dharma is that you have discovered the song that is yours to sing, and then to find your contentment you choose to courageously sing it. When we understand that universe, literally meaning ‘one song’, is to be in alignment with and sharing what we can give to the world that the world needs, then the world’s choices become less overwhelming. All we need to do is follow the yearnings from our heart, and listen and observe how we respond to what we discover, who we meet and where we find ourselves being energized rather than drained. Eventually, if we are brave enough, patient enough, willing to practice inquiry as we travel, we will discover our dharma.

Live with intention, letting go of expectations

“To create art, you need to wed discipline and letting go.” —Jack Kornfield

In order to understand what form our ‘art’ will take, we must keep exploring and learning the life skills. The consistent application and improvement of these skills is the discipline we need to lead us to discovering what lifestyle, what way of life will be our art. But here’s the important bit, we cannot have a pre-determined idea of what we will discover, because we cannot know this. All we know is that when we find it, it will be where we feel both peace and energy, an infinite renewal of both. And that is the letting go we must apply paired with the discipline.

Keeping the ‘sides’ of life in their place

Shared in Part Une of the series was the new axiom of TSLL, and as you see it above, being a thinking and compassionate person precedes savoring the everyday ‘sides’. This is by design because when we know where and how to create the peace and fulfillment we seek, we are getting the ‘recipe’ right. If we misunderstand and try to make the ‘sides’ the priority, putting them as our primary focus, then we will be forever in pursuit and unable to cultivate the art that we wish to create.

However, here is the beautiful part: Once we do get the ‘recipe’ right, the sides become even more wonderful to enjoy. Why? Because we appreciate them, but also are not clinging to them, so we have peace that resides in knowing that once we cultivate true peace and have discovered what our dharma is and are living it, we know that that cannot be taken from us because it is within us. We may have to replace the dress, or reschedule our vacation plans, these are both wonderfully enjoyable ‘sides’ and we have every reasons to want to enjoy them and can! But we also know where they land on the continuum of what makes life art itself.

We will talk all about the everyday ‘sides’ of life next Monday.

Understanding that suffering is unnecessary and how to prevent it

There is a lot of misunderstanding about suffering. It often gets conflated with pain, and so I would like to explain again here, but I did so in detail in this post a few years ago, how to stop causing suffering, and handle the pain, that is inevitable in life, wisely so as to stop hurting ourselves.

Pain occurs throughout our lives in a variety of forms, each unique to us based on whom we love, what we love, what we care for, what we value. From death, to a relationship ending in an unwanted way, to physical pain, violence of any kind. Pain is physical and suffering is the emotional response to that pain. More specifically, “suffering is wanting things to be different than they are”. Suffering is caused by lack of acceptance.

It is important to underscore that acceptance doesn’t mean we like what has happened or approve, it just means, as we learn through meditation, that we see what has happened with an objective mind, and don’t react. Reacting is when suffering often begins because we have a story in our heads of how something should go, and when it doesn’t we cling, and it is the clinging that causing the suffering. Suffering, as we have caused it with our clinging, is caused by our choice and often less toned mind to honor the emotions in a healthy way.

To have a strong Emotional Intelligence helps us to navigate unwanted emotions because we must feel them, but we do not need to let them destroy us. For example grief. We must let ourselves grieve, and grief will be experienced differently by each of us, but to not let ourselves feel it, is to cause suffering. So we feel our emotions, we identify them (that is the part where we step back and observe), and then we are essentially monitoring – being self-aware – to ensure we don’t ‘throw the second dart’ as we learn in the post mentioned above. The second dart is entirely in our control – how we respond to the unwanted event.

Every unwanted event in our life is trying to teach us something. Whether to put a mirror up to our own lives and reflect back what we are doing that can change if we only would understand what isn’t working, or prevent us from choosing a path that isn’t meant to be ours and if we continue, we will cause both ourselves and potentially others unnecessary pain and suffering by forcing our way, or to reveal to us what skills we still need to learn and once we do, those doors we keep knocking on will eventually open up. These are just some of the ways the universe is trying to help you find your unique song so that you can sing it because it wants to hear you sing.

Exercising the Savoring muscle regularly and often

We mentioned above how we need to be disciplined, applying the life skills we learn, and one life skill that is in many ways a byproduct of having applied the aforementioned life skills, but consciously so is Savoring.

We will talk in detail later this month about Savoring how there are powerful effects on our life and health when we understand then put into practice this skill, but essentially, part of making living itself an art is to know how amazing the life you are living is, and this comes from being aware, being mindful (giving our attention to the present moment fully), extending gratitude for all that we see, notice and experience that brings us delight, and then, THEN, savoring it. Not clinging, not asking for more, but just taking a few more seconds, a few more moments to drink what you are loving, what you are smiling about, what you are enjoying with your full being, and just this simple act begins to gradually change the brain.

Our brain is plastic, it forever can change, if we exercise this capability, and if we want to train the brain to look for moments to savor, we have to first see them, then note them, then linger. The brain then realizes, “oh! She wants to find more moments to do this!” Let me help you, and it helps you with more ease the more and more you practice the savoring. Again, more to come on all of this later this month.

When we savor, it feels as if we are slowing down life in the most wonderful of ways, and so we are able to enjoy this beautiful life we have cultivated and are partaking in, and our life really does feel like a work of art because every moment is new. We understand that we cannot get back time or duplicate any moment exactly. Life is art and when we understand this, we liberate ourselves and inspire ourselves to live fully.

The German romantic philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel described art as absolute truth and inseparable from beauty. And part of what makes something beautiful and thus art is that it is free. Free to create a life for ourselves that gives us the “feeling [of being] at home in the world . . . through the choices we make”.

Our life as we make it art itself differentiates from the art we think of that hangs in museums or on exhibit, or even in our own homes. The art that is living itself is not created to be viewed by the outside world, let alone gain approval, applause or be sold to the highest bidder. Rather our art of living is made to nourish the creator, the artist. We have to make this art for it gives us life, the creating process itself is nourishing, and to reside in what we have created nourishes us continually even as we make tweaks and additions as we move along through our days. But if someone takes note of our life and applauds or is inspired, that is fine, but it is not our purpose. For to live for external validation reflects that we have put the ‘sides’ at the core of living well, and that is not where peace is found.

“You are the canvas. Create something conscious and true.” —Jack Kornfield

So long as we are creating a life that is true to us, and we are doing so consciously (with the thinking mind paired with compassion) as Jack Kornfield, who trained as a Buddhist monk and has a doctorate in clinical psychology reminds, then our life is art. There is no try, as Yoda reminds us ☺️. We just need to continue living fully, truly and sincerely.

To help get you started as you imagine how art as a way of living may appear in your life, take a look at these areas of life and explore them honestly – who designed what you are doing? Was it you? Did you question it? Can you tweak it? Does it nourish you? If it doesn’t, can you step away from it, change it, etc.? – look at everything that makes up your daily life with a critical eye. Critical is not a negative approach – it is an approach that is grounded in inquiry. Ask questions, and refuse to follow blindly how your life ‘should’ look. Because most importantly, it must nourish you because you have something amazing within you to share with the world that yes, and I say this a lot, but it is repeated because it’s true, and until we find it, we don’t quite believe that it is, also nourishes and energizes you.

daily schedule – all the details (when you awake, enjoy lunch, do certain tasks, have dinner, etc.)
what you do for a living and how many hours a week you do it
the people you describe as your family
the hobbies and pastimes you engage in
how you dress
who you share your life with, how you share your life with them
the definition of success
when your weekends fall on the days of the week
when you take your holidays, what constitutes a holiday?
how you curate a sanctuary for rejuvenation

The key at the heart of all of these things is to not make any decision for outside response, but rather to look within and say, does this nourish me? Not Is this what I want, but rather an honest assessment of whether or not it cultivates inner peace and both provides calm as well as stretches you from time to time to grow into your most fulfilled self. So long as you are being honest with yourself, you will gradually find the answers that will support you. And then you must gather up your courage and make decisions to cultivate that life for yourself. You can do it. You have an entire community here at TSLL that is on their own unique journey of doing this and savoring along the way.

May your life, the living of the art you cultivate be nourishing, exhilarating and full of amazing discovering and aha moments to savor.

PETITE PLAISIR

~Samba, film (French w/subtitles)