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“The confidence to dare to be simple.” —Monty Don
~speaking about a grand garden of beauty that chose their own approach and creating something so very special, Monty Don’s British Gardens, 2025~
To be simple is to knowingly let go of what is not necessary and wisely keep, nourish and invest in what is.
Gardens in many ways are a wonderful analogy for living well because they take time to mature into their full potential, and it isn’t guaranteed that they will, but if they do, it is because the gardener had the foresight, patience and clarity to know what would be of value to invest in today.
Albert Einstein is attributed with saying, “Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.” To know where that line is, because it will be different for each of us, is to know ourselves as well as understand the pressures of the world with keen awareness and insight. Such knowledge takes time and conscious effort to gain.
In daring to be simple, we bet on ourselves, care for ourselves and without guarantee, invest in what is harmonious to our ear, letting it become a priority while not be distracted or drained by the rest.
On the category page in TSLL’s archives for all of the Simplicity themed posts, I share that “The value of True Simplicity is that it fully lets the light in so that you can see and explore the depths of a life’s full gifts and beauty.” In more concrete terms, is the condition or quality of being easy to understand.
As it pertains to living well, when we understand how to live our lives well, making decisions becomes far easier because of our gained clarity about what nourishes us and the life that we wish to live.
In today’s post/episode, let’s explore how we dare to be simple in such a way that enhances the quality of our lives. How does it show up? What does it look like? What behavior, mannerisms, ways of life embody being simple to the degree that exhibits living with contentment?
1.We ask ‘Why?’
The skill of critical thinking comes into play with ‘Why?’ often being the most difficult answer to find as it sometimes takes time to unearth it. But in the most basic sense, when we ask ‘why’ we get to know ourselves – why am I interested in this? why do I feel this way in this situation? why can’t I [insert pondering]? why do I [insert action/feeling/thought]? This also involves noting what we are asking ‘why?’ about? Often this reveals what we are curious about, what we care about, what piques something within us that we cannot understand just yet, but upon further exploration learn far more about ourselves and the world than we did and that will be helpful in our journey forward to living our lives well.
2. Slow down and take note
Similar to sitting in a parked car, wherever we may be parked, we notice the speed of everything else as it moves along. In our own lives, by taking the time to stop and be still, when people, events, news, responsibilities arise or whirl past us if we are sitting still in our homes or office, we begin to see with clarity how we respond to all that is going on around us without distraction. In other words, is this the pace we want to travel through our life? Is this the energy we want to surround ourselves with on a regular basis?
If what we observe feels nourishing rather than exhausting or stressful, then by sitting still, our appreciation for the life we are living is deepened. On the other hand, if by sitting still we finally see how chaotic and depleting our life is but we were too harried to notice, then the good news is that finally, we are noticing and we can now begin to make different decisions.
3. Say no even if we don’t have something to fill the space we are protecting
The ‘space’ referenced here is any block of time, any part of your day or life that doesn’t have a required or scheduled ‘to-do’, yet still you protect it so that you do have ‘white space’. This ‘white space’ as learned about in Juliet Funt’s book A Minute to Think and explored in episode #314, is necessary to thrive as it gives us the space to reset, to think, reflect and anything that will help fuel us well forward as we wish to live.
4. Say yes to learning something you don’t know and accept with humility the challenges that will inevitably arise along the way to acquiring the new skill you seek
As we get older, whether that ‘older’ references being a junior in college instead of a freshman, or a senior staff member instead of a probationary staff member, with each increase of time, our ego can sometimes often get in our way of learning something new. We sit down to take a class and our mind becomes fatigued quickly and we can’t keep up, but many around us seem to be ‘getting it’ rather quickly. If we aren’t used to challenging ourselves to learn something new, our ego will swell and fight to prove that it is okay to stop trying. Our ego doesn’t like to be challenged.
Our ego prefers to stay where it knows what it knows which requires no growth at all, no changes please, it says. However, when we understand how the ego works and why it fights so hard to keep us where we currently are, we can gently, yet without compromise, set it aside with confidence knowing that the learning journey will be uncomfortable temporarily, but gradually, new brain synapsis will begin to connect and it will become easier. (Explore episode #393 to learn how the brain can change and the process that we must understand in order to give it the time to successfully do so.)
It is when we begin to learn new skills, new ways of living well, that we gain more clarity about what brings us to life. In other words, what nourishes us and what no longer or ever did. And so it becomes easier to be daring in our simplifying of our life.
5. We consciously choose our routines and our rituals
There often can be many things we do out of habit, and because these actions, ways of doing things, thoughts, words/phrases are habitualized, we don’t think about them. Now this is okay if the habit is constructive and supports the life we value, but if it doesn’t and causes us to simply live on the surface of our lives, then we need to either remove it or change it.
Conversely with rituals, as we talked about in depth in episode #380 last January, a ritual is a choice of how we engage doing a particular something that evokes deep emotion, a pause and bringing to the present our full selves to honor, celebrate or savor something we value. It can be as grand as a wedding ceremony or funeral or as seemingly everyday such as our afternoon tea break, but we engage in these activities because they, in many ways, wrap in a warm protective blanket what we care about and don’t want to take for granted but also know deserves our full attention and in so doing enriches the quality of our lives.
By consciously noting and then editing, which involves deletion, addition or polishing both our routines and rituals, and becoming aware of the difference between the two – ritual versus a routine, we begin to live with more awareness, we begin to feel and immerse ourselves in the days of our lives more fully and completely and come to know what truly is important to us. This makes it far easier to let go of what isn’t, and thus our lives become simpler.
6. We take full ownership of our life
Take a moment, or many, and honestly assess what is causing you stress, what do you wake up thinking about in the middle of the night repeatedly (not just that one random dream ;)). Now whittle down all of your worries to what actions you took or are not taking that are perpetuating these unwanted causes of stress or preventing what would reduce the stress from happening.
We may want our life to magically become less stressful, more peaceful, but the likelihood that that will happen without our taking action and having patience is negligible. The good news is we can reduce the unwanted stress and we can welcome more peace into our everydays, but it will require that we take responsibility, thus full ownership, of our life. What does this look like?
Refraining from blaming others, the system, the culture, the institution, anything that is structured in such a way that you believe prevented you from succeeding as you had hoped.
Apologizing when you make a mistake. Set your ego aside and exercise awareness to realize when you did or said something, unintentionally most likely, that wasn’t helpful nor considerate or kind, whatever the reason, gather up your humility and apologize with sincerity (visit episode #392 for a detailed ‘how to” on apologizing well).
Stop making excuses, no matter how benign they may seem.
Once we acknowledge where we weren’t taking responsibility in our life and now begin to start doing so, stepping fully into ownership of our life becomes joy-filled and full of exuberance as we have in many ways set ourself free to enjoy the rewards of living well. Not only as it pertains to ourselves, but how we engage with others. More sincere connections, and less time expended on presenting a false self. More trust is built and less energy drained as we engage where our heart and inner compass is pointing us.
“We don’t need more clarity; we need less confusion. The truth is we have everything we need only to begin the process of letting go . . . if we think that we’ve already got something and all we need to do is let it go, that encourages a sense of openness of release. Letting go of tension in the body. Letting go of thinking in the mind. Focus a little less on acquiring and a little more on letting go.” —Andy Puddicombe
As we might expect, with anything that involves daring action comes temporary discomfort. But notice the type of discomfort – temporary. It is almost as if the universe is assessing whether we want to make the change sincerely that we seek so it throws the worst at us right out of the gate. If we know that we will have to muster up courage and perseverance to navigate through this uncertain time, we also know why we are doing it and will remain steadfast so that we can reach the bliss that awaits on the other side. Why bliss? Bliss because we aren’t drained by unnecessary energy expenditures. Bliss because we have confidently set our sights on what matters to us even though we will continue to grow and learn, but along the way appreciate and savor.
Daring to be simple does not mean we are simpletons as we’ve shared before here on TSLL and the podcast in defining exactly what a simple sophisticate is. Absolutely not. By daring to be simple we are living with courage a knowing life that values what we can uniquely give and knowingly acknowledges we have finite resources. Therefore, we understand that it is wiser to invest well in what we have prioritized with our gained clarity than to spread ourselves thin and exhaust ourselves trying to please and succeed in every arena which we now recognize is a futile pursuit for us all.
Dare to be simple. Dare to paint a life that has never to you been known before, but somewhere in your bones it propels you forward to do so. I am confident you too will cultivate a garden of nourishing beauty and delight that you will be happy you forged forward to create even when there were no promises of how it would turn out.
SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY
an all-time favorite post of TSLL readers
episode #368, What is a Simple Sophisticate?
Petits Plaisirs
Jamie Beck’s Merci stationery set
A Northern Light in Provence: A Novel by Elizabeth Birkelund
~Explore all the episodes of The Simple Sophisticate here in TSLL’s Archives.
