When the day, despite our best efforts ushers in hurt or we feel deflated, attacked or weary, knowing where to find comfort, knowing where to regain our strength, and be momentarily safe from further harm is vital knowledge of ourselves to possess.

Perhaps an email arrived littered with aggression unprovoked, or a hoped-for outcome didn’t come to pass after countless hours of effort and preparation. Or maybe, a sense of powerlessness washes over us in a weak moment after reading or watching the news. In such and similar moments that drain our sense of optimism, energy and possibility, our sanctuary needs to be a door we can always enter.

The use of the term ‘door’ is figurative because a sanctuary can be any myriad of places or people or activities, you name it. The definition of a sanctuary, as shared in Rich Hanson’s Buddha’s Brain is “anyone or anything that provides reliable protection, so you can let down your guard and gather strength and wisdom.” In fact, he uses the term ‘refuge’, and the definition is interchangeable with sanctuary – a reliable place of safety to rejuvenate ourselves.

What we need to ensure that we do is understand ourselves with raw honesty to know what is truly nourishing, who is genuinely loving and supportive (in other words, offers unconditional love where we can be fully ourselves). Throughout our life journey, our places of sanctuary will change, growing with us as we evolve and better understand our needs. It is imperative that we gather up the courage and become willing to invest (not always monetarily, but with our time and attention) in what feeds our being.

Sometimes, if we are not as self-aware as we need to be, we may return to refuges, sanctuaries, that hold us back, reinforce bad habits or limit our belief in our capabilities. We must remember that a true sanctuary is a place where we gather up our strength, gather up our wisdom, and we can only do that when we can let our mind rest, but also explore without judgment.

Let’s look at a few examples of what, who or where a sanctuary might be found:

• Our home
  • Simply because a house/apartment/condo/loft/house boat is our home, doesn’t mean it is a sanctuary. However, with intention, it can become our sanctuary.
• The wilderness, surrounded by Mother Nature, away from human urban or city life
  • Perhaps a favorite trail, or, like Beatrix Potter, you have a favorite pond/lake/tarn that you visit and sit along the shores for reflection.
• A hot bath or long hot shower
  • The science of soothing our nervous system comes into play when we engage in activities that allow us to relax, knowing that we won’t be interrupted and we are comforted. This often happens when we submerge ourselves in warm or hot water in a space that is private and ours alone for the time being. Our nervous system returns to the parasympathetic and no longer is in a stage of flight, fight or freezing out of fear.
• A particular person’s physical company (friend, teacher, mentor, counselor, sibling, partner, even our pets) who does not judge, provides healthy comfort that immediately helps your heart rate slow down and your blood pressure drop. When we were a child, this was likely our parents; however, as we have matured, this will likely change, and that is healthy knowledge as well and demonstrates growth, maturity, allowing us to have a healthy relationship with our parents.
  • This is also someone who doesn’t enable you, and is secure enough in themselves to also remind you of your awesomeness and believes in you even when you may doubt yourself.
• A physical place that feels like a home away from home
  • this could be literally anything – indoors or out, a museum, a café, a park or garden, a temple or place of worship, the theatre, spa, classroom, weight-room, airport, bookshop, tea shop, etc.
• “Ineffable” refuges (places of spiritual escape that provide profound comfort and escape, indescribable by nature, but where calm, safety and rejuvenation occur):
  • a secure sense of self, a deep self-trust in yourself that you will be able to navigate well whatever may unfold
    • “Within you there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” —Hermann Hesse
      
  • the power of reason and logic, trusting science
  • a connection with Mother Nature and her seasonal cycles, her majestic beauty
  • the ebb and rise of the tide
  • the cycle of the moon

These are just examples of where you might find your sanctuary. Most importantly, just because a place or a person is a sanctuary for someone else, doesn’t mean it is a sanctuary for you. Take the time to reflect on where you have felt spontaneous calm, especially if you weren’t even seeking it out. I recall feeling this way immediately upon arriving in Brittany last year (a few photos below from my walks along the northern Brittany coast). It was indescribable, so yes, in many ways an ineffable sanctuary, but the feeling was immediate, consistent, and nourishing during my entire one-week visit.

Often, knowing where our sanctuaries can be found becomes easier to discern after we’ve experienced places where we didn’t feel safe, comforted, or able to be ourselves. While at the moment those times were not enjoyable, they provide invaluable insight to help us clarify, when we find them, what is a place of sanctuary for ourselves.

Here is another example. As many TSLL readers know, I adore the rain and feel immediately nourished, at peace, safe, and at home wherever I am when it begins raining. This is not the case for a lot of people, but I don’t let their different experiences dissuade my knowledge of myself, nor do I compare my experience to theirs. We must honor what we need without passing judgment on where others find their refuge.

Today, take a moment to ponder where you can go, what you can do, and who truly is a sanctuary for you. To know ahead of time where you will turn, return, or what you will do when times become stressful or painful will ease your mind, strengthening your sense of contentment as well as demonstrating awareness of what you need that will enable you to care for yourself well. Life will always involve unwanted moments and stress beyond our control, but what is within our control can steady the boat as we find a safe harbor, until we are ready to set sail again, out into the world of life and engagement.

Equally important, once we are able to be deeply mindful of ourselves and our needs, is to acknowledge places, persons, and activities of refuge that are not actually sanctuaries, so let’s call them faux sanctuaries. Maybe it is certain food or drink we eat or drink, or how much, maybe it is certain activities that, in the moment provide temporal pleasure, but afterwards leave us feeling disappointed in ourselves, or maybe it is a person who only gives us attention when we are in pain, when we are hurting and upset, not able to be supportive when all is going well. To the last example, when we have someone like this in our lives that we keep returning to, we actually are diminishing our ability to trust our true strength. After all, we want to feel love, we want support, and if someone will only give us that when we are struggling, we are less motivated to soar.

Consider thoughtfully who and where you currently turn, and be brave enough to assess what supports the journey you wish to unfold as you strengthen your foundation of a life of true contentment. You can cultivate a life that has dependable sanctuaries so that you can be fully engaged with the world, giving of your full and true self. The world needs you, all of you.

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