“What do I always say about tough choices?” —Paul (Harrison Ford)

“You don’t know if your choice is right or wrong until you make it.” —Gaby (Jessica Williams)

—from episode #5, season 3, Shrinking

One person’s tough decision is another person’s easy choice.

Choices in life perpetually occur – what to pick up at the grocery store, which book to read, when to go to bed, when to get out of bed. We make decisions so often in life, we forget we are making choices sometimes. And in some instances, it is a good thing we don’t think twice, as we would be paralyzed. Having simple choices gives our lives ease and steadiness. However, to know which decisions to give our attention to determines the quality of the life we will live beginning today and into our tomorrows.

The advice in the quote above resonated with me when I first heard it because I recognized its truth. There is a difference between a tough decision and an easy choice that is hard to make.

A tough decision doesn’t tell you, or come with an obvious answer, as to what will be best for your life journey because the outcome of that decision is unclear and its effects far-stretching into the future, while also containing many variables we simply cannot know, not just whether you will enjoy your lunch (deciding what to order, for example. Tough because we have to choose before we can know, and difficult because there is no precedent for our life journey’s path forward

An easy choice that is hard to make comes with a clear answer but we may be hesitant to make it because either we don’t want to (the second helping of cheesecake after an already satiating main meal) or it isn’t going to be what someone else wants to hear (ending a relationship that is not making us happy or holds our interest or doesn’t have enough in common). We know what we need to do, we may just not want to do it. Easy because the choice is clear, yet difficult in the moment.

Tough decisions will change your life moving forward.

This is good news.

If we want the life we have now, exactly as it is right now, tough choices wouldn’t be tough because we would just keep making the same decisions we’ve always made. We would stick to the same routine and engage in the same way out of habit rather than conscious awareness. But in doing this, we aren’t truly fully present. We aren’t dancing with life; we’ve become a robot that remains in the same place. And just like a robot that keeps running into a wall will keep trying to walk through the wall rather than explore what is around it to navigate past it, that is what a tough decision is – doing something we haven’t done to see what we might discover.

Because tough decisions will change your life, they are scary. But with each tough decision we make and upon making it, we realize it was the right decision for our life journey, we strengthen our self-trust to know, even when it’s difficult, what is best. This doesn’t mean we rush into decisions. In fact, we will most likely learn to take our time, and come to realize that from one day to the next, our leanings between the various decisions will change based on a variety of factors. But in time, those leanings become fewer and fewer as we become calm and rest in the clarity of knowing ourselves.

Let me share with you a few decisions that at the time were tough decisions, but now seem blatantly obvious to have been the right decision for my life journey: calling off a wedding (when I was 20), whether or not to welcome Norman into my life, moving to Bend, retiring from teaching and writing full-time, buying Le Papillon, welcoming Nelle into my life.

For long-time TSLL readers, you know that each of these decisions was hands-down the right decision for me, and I cheer myself for making each one at the time. Oh my goodness! At the time, I dithered, I pondered, I weighed the pros and cons because I knew each of them would change the trajectory of my life.

However, and here is the good news, and the confidence you will build as this happens. Just about the moment you make the decision, that you fully commit – you look your soon-to-be ex-fiancé in the eye and say, it’s not happening, your body, your being feels a lightness, a renewed sense of hope and excitement that was waiting to be released if only you would have the courage to make the decision that was best for you. But it couldn’t tell you want to do. You had to come to your courage and exercise it.

I can remember when I first saw Norman as a wee, little, bouncy 11-week-old puppy. Yep, the right decision had been made, and any doubts vanished. Forward-looking was all that ever happened since that moment with him in my life, and I thank my wiser self for making a decision I was hesitant to make. Oscar’s life, Nelle’s life, and my own were all the beneficiaries of Norman’s presence.

With each example I share above, two of which I have written a book about – Le Papillon and retiring from teaching, while I won’t repeat myself in explaining why they were at first tough, but indeed the right ones for me, each exemplifies why we cannot know the answer before we make a decision. Such a life journey has never been lived before. Your life has never been lived before, so when you are given a tough decision, extend gratitude for the opportunity. Your life is about to change in one way or the other, and if you have done the homework of knowing yourself, you will know which is the right decision, because there is a right answer.

Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Less Traveled, is merely a poem about how our life will be one way or another, based on the decisions we make, but the truth is, aligning with our true self determines the quality of our life. Our life doesn’t need to be the ‘less traveled’ path to align, but it might be. Only you will know that for yourself.

Tough choices are a privilege, similar to the great and barrier-breaking tennis player Billie Jean King’s quote, “Pressure is a privilege.” Tough choices involve stress, but it’s a temporary stress, acute stress as they properly define it. And acute stress is helpful, as opposed to chronic.

And lastly, be forewarned that tough choices will continue arriving in your life so long as you are living fully. This is not something to begrudge. Once we correct our mindset about why tough decisions arise, we have an opportunity. Each of these opportunities signifies that we have grown enough to have the choice presented to us. It is a privilege. See it as such, and you bring calm into your being which helps you come to the clarity you need to make the decision that is right for you.

You’ve got this. And I am right there along with you, navigating my own tough decisions. We can do this. 😌 Oh, and enjoy a chocolate truffle every once in a while. Not a tough choice, but perhaps a difficult one as you try to decide which flavor to choose 😉

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