“Being solitary is being alonewell: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of yourown choice, aware of thefullness of your wonpresence rather than of theabsence of others. Because solitude is anachievement.”-Alice Koller
As a teenager in school, one of the hardest things to be is alone. Whether one is enjoying this time by themselves at this age or not, their peers view it as a detriment and scoff and tease. This fact alone proves that having time to oneself, finding comfort in solitude, is a very grown-up thing to do.
The very idea of solitude for some is frightening and it is due to succumbing to this one specific fear – not wanting to be alone – that often the wrong decisions are made in a variety of areas in one’s life. For if a decision is made in fear, how can comfort ever be found in it?
Solitude is quite the opposite of what the fearful suppose it to be. Surprisingly enough, it is not boring. It is a time of “voluntary retirement”, a time to be inspired to enjoy your life, to look at the many blessings that are prevalent and soak in the appreciation of this awareness. Without this pause, the opportunity doesn’t exist to reflect, to digest the lessons that life has presented and decipher how one would like to successfully move on.
Subconsciously, being alone forces you to face the demons, the worries, the situations that you may be trying to whizz past and ignore in this hurry-up pace of a society, but the flip side is where the beauty can be found. Yes, it isn’t easy to face the things that make your skin crawl, that make you feel helpless, but in facing them, the problems are taking their first step in the right direction to eventually being solved.
I can vividly remember a comment made by a close friend of mine when we had an opportunity to have a good heart to heart talk, and she commented on the fact that while she knew she needed to slow down, a small part of her would never let herself for fear of what she would realize about her life. The honesty in this statement was hard enough simply uttering it, but in it lies a weighty truth. What are you so afraid of? The longer you prolong the inevitable, the worse it will be to tackle down the road. Why not handle it now, so you aren’t wasting anymore precious time. Time that can be spent with a peaceful mind knowing that you’ve chosen to be an adult and be responsible, dealing with whatever is that is holding you back.
If you are shaking your head while reading this thinking there is absolutely no way I can slow down my life or take a few minutes a day or an afternoon each week, I would immediately challenge you with the question, why not? What do you have to lose?
Here are a few more benefits of solitude in hopes of demonstrating the real power in such a simple exercise:
- getting to know yourself, instead of having others tell you who you are
- quiet helps you appreciate the smaller things that are ignored and taken for granted
- isolation from the influences of others truly helps give power to your own voice
- time to reflect on what you’ve done and learn from it
- space to unwind and find peace
- an opportunity to create, imagine, dream
- time for clear, level-headed thinking
So the next time, someone gives you a hard time for spending time alone or being alone (hello, my fellow single readers), remind yourself that their under-appreciation for such a empowering concept is a reflection on their lack of understanding and insecurities and has nothing to do with you.
I will admit, it takes time to become comfortable being alone and this has to do with becoming comfortable with who you are – your passions, your desires, your dreams, your talents – but I can say with much experience that solitude is a gift, truly a gift. A time to be filled up, a time to be inspired, so that when you’re not alone you can be the best person you want to be. Think about it.
I hope you all have a beautiful Monday and a start to the week. And at some time during the next seven days, try to find some time to enjoy your own company because it is an achievement that too many people never accomplish.
Resources – Zen Habits
8 thoughts on “An Empowering Achievement”
Beautiful post, and Oh so true. I believe not only are individuals afraid of what the will discover about themselves, they are also fearful the new sense of confidence they will be sure to attain when they do so, will frighten those in their circle of friends, causing them to take a couple of steps back from them. There are only a few individuals who choose to admire and learn from a person who “knows themselves”. Others are fearful of what this self enlightened person, afraid of what he/she will find out about them when they are peering through the looking glass.
Happy Monday! Have a great week!
Thank you for posting on this. It is a gift, and there is joy, in being alone but not lonely. I suppose it’s not for everyone, but maybe it should be practiced like meditation.
I am such a solo artist, I’ve actually been doing the opposite: forcing myself to reach out to others and not be so independent all the time. I dine alone, travel alone, I know how to be my own best friend. But it does get lonely sometimes. This a good lesson I’ve learned, after having moved from NYC to Paris, where I (barely) knew two people: it’s not a bad thing to invite others in.
I totally agree. I think we’ve discussed this before–I think alone time is absolutely a luxury and one that I couldn’t live without!
I too need and crave my alone time! Great post!
I am a bit of loner by nature, so I need solitude. After I’ve been around a big group for a few hours, I’ll long to crawl off and be by myself for a bit.
I love gathering my thoughts and being creative. I do my best work alone. I’am always surrounded by friends and family but it’s alone time that I need. Silent moments.
I always craved solitude, but at the same time, never wanted it as a child. I never wanted to be alone, without friends or family, because, just as you said, I didn’t want the impression that I didn’t like people around me. Now… I crave it more than ever, and could care less about what others think. Quiet time is when I am best to contemplate important things or just rest my mind and read a bit… your posts are always so wonderful — thank you + keep up the fabulous work!
Hello,dear Friend from this Wonder Blogland world:-)*
I am here for the first time…
Thank you many,many times for these post,for these unbelivebly true words!
I am someone,who LOVES to be alone,because those time is the beautifulest time when I can create my thoughts,making new ideas,designs and simply relax…
My Love,my care,