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Let’s head to the bookstore, shall we?
The bookstore is a happy place for me, and has become a favorite place to pop into for the pups as well as they are welcomed at our local independent book shop, Roundabout Books, as they receive warm welcome (all dogs do in this special shop) and treats (Norman especially appreciates this benefit ?).
In many ways the bookshop parallels life and making life decisions. That is to say, living life is a joy and something I wake up each day excited to see what happens, what I will learn, what will unfold and to engage and fully and sincerely as possible, just as I delight in visiting a bookshop to see what I will find, what is available and what speaks to me or catches my eye, and what I have the budget to bring home.
Not always knowing what book will catch my eye, I rarely leave a bookshop without at least one. Sometimes I step inside having a specific title to purchase, but more often than not, I don’t. And that is what makes the visit all the more exciting. À la, the similarity to how our life unfolds when we set an intention, engage fully and let go.
We will never know what tomorrow will bring, but if we don’t choose to engage and be present, the opportunities, the nudges, the new ideas and possibilities, will never be noticed or experienced.
When we don’t know what to do, whether regarding choosing the next project to work on after completing a previous one, or we find ourselves in an unwanted or undesirable situation, knowing we need to make a change, or having completed a stage in life that requires that we make a decision, as well as so many other life moments where we stop and feel uncertain, we may not know how to proceed, or how to proceed constructively, which is why I wanted to share with you today’s post. Much like the bookstore, there are all sorts of discoveries and ideas to consider, and because each of us brings along our own passions, life experiences, and curiosities, what catches our eye, what stops us long enough for us to consider a new-to-us title and new possibility, will be unique.
So if you find yourself at this moment in your life journey not sure which direction to go or which idea to say yes to, I have a few things for you to remember, 15 in fact. Let’s take a look.
1.Stop thinking and let go to enable your unconscious mind to dance and explore
Also known as paralysis by analysis. We can ironically think too much and try too hard to figure what to do next. And this overthinking, this over-analysis actually stalls the process, almost keeping the doors shut from opening to new ideas and the direction or path that would be best or the most in alignment with our dharma (a concept explored in-depth and how to find your unique one in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass).
The unconscious mind, as defined by Psychology Today as “the repository of automatic skills, the source of stored memories, fantasy, and dreams” is a resource we all have and not to be ignored. As well, we also need to let it work, and thus do its job and share what it knows and can find that will often help us make the best decision.
The unconscious, as explored and discussed in this article, “has a far greater capacity for information than conscious working memory . . and it may be less susceptible to certain biases”. In other words, when we let go, or let the dilemma rest and stop focusing on it, we are also giving our unconscious mind time to search for what we might already know in our stored memory that we didn’t realize that would lead us closer to the decision we are searching for.
This same article cautions that our unconscious doesn’t necessarily always make the best or right decisions; however, what the writers advise based on the data and findings is by understanding that there is a wealth of ‘unconscious’ knowledge within us, we must not forget to tap into it, and then when we do, they suggest “that people take this wealth of under-the-radar information, combine it with deliberately studied facts and impressions and then make astute judgments that they would not otherwise form”.
2. Step fully into your everyday life – be present
“Being in a place of uncertainty can feel like a difficult, scary place to be in, but it’s a sign that you’re going through a transition. And in this odyssey that is life, it’s a normal phase of any journey of inner evolution.” —Tiny Buddha blog
Not knowing, as the quote suggests and as a further point down the list will focus upon, is a good place to be. There is nothing wrong with not knowing. Often it means you are growing, evolving and stepping into a more fully realized self.
When we don’t know what to do next, the advice that dovetails with #1 is to simply go about your everyday life. Go about the life routines and rituals you have intentionally designed and ground yourself in the present moment. Sometimes that is when the answers will present themselves. Sometimes, by simply not thinking about what is befuddling you will broaden your mind to be open to ideas you hadn’t previously considered.
3. Understand that finding comfort in discomfort is a powerful skill to learn
Something that is explored in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass is being aware that feeling discomfort may feel as though it is a permanent feeling while we are in the moment we experience this unwanted feeling, but really, it is temporary, and – good news! – it is happening to help you if you choose to open your awareness to trust this truth. Here is a post where we explore this temporary discomfort a bit further.
The primary reason discomfort arises has to do with your ego because your ego likes to know, prefers to know, even requires that it knows depending upon how much control you have yielded to your ego. This is the survivalist Lizard brain leading the way, and it will never want you to change out of what it knows. Even if what it knows is limiting, harmful or stagnating; because it knows what to expect, it wants you to remain right where you are doing what you are currently doing.
The only way to take back control of the ego is to understand that discomfort has to happen and is the introduction to anything new we step toward or welcome into our life. The more mastery we have over the ego, the less discomfort we will feel. And when this unwanted feeling does arise, we will recognize if for what it is and know it will pass as we carry forward engaging in the change unfolding.
4. Clarify your intention, and then sleep on it, sometimes for a while (many nights)
I mentioned in #2 that we would talk about this idea of letting go a bit further. And it is when we refrain from either making a rushed decision or reacting and instead choose to sleep on it that we give the unconscious mind time to search and explore what information resides within our mind already that we didn’t realize.
A study published in 2019 found ‘sleeping on it’ to produce more solved dilemmas due to the time given to the mind to rest and explore without our conscious mind interfering, sharing “problem solving may benefit from sleep due to rehearsal and consolidation of problem memory”.
In other words, let go, let yourself fall deeply into sleep, become fully rested, and after one or many nights of sleep, the likelihood that you will have a plausible answer to your question is highly probable.
“Giving your mind the opportunity to sift and settle. This is like the resting of the dough when making bread, or the incubation stage so important in the creative process. So give it a day or more, focus on other things, see what comes to the surface.” —Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W.
5. Find time to be in your own company and ask (and then truthfully answer) big and small questions
Within the Contentment Masterclass, an entire lesson focuses on familiarizing yourself with yourself, your true self (or refamiliarizing) – how to do this, the questions to ask and where and why we may have chosen certain ways of life or beliefs that didn’t serve us so that we don’t succumb to these unhelpful influences again.
Often, due to who we surround ourselves with or the information bombarding us, we may not realize we are only thinking about possibilities that will please them or the culture we live within, as much as our own genuine inner voice. To ensure we are thinking about what brings us to life, what fulfills us, we need to give ourselves regular time alone, in our own company. For some, this will be very uncomfortable because we haven’t befriended ourselves; for others, this may already be a regular practice but perhaps we need to prioritize doing so more often, especially for the time being until we discover a direction or decision the lights us up.
When we become familiar with our own voice, feelings and why we feel them, in what circumstances we feel them, what prompts them, as well as what gives us energy and what depletes us, we begin to move closer to a decision that will rise to the top and sit well with our true self.
6. Acknowledge you may have a limited mindset, unleash your imagination
“Sometimes we do know exactly what it is that we want, we just think we can’t have it and so we talk ourselves out of it.” —IdeaPod
As mentioned above in #5, sometimes we don’t realize we have limited our exploration of possible ideas. When we step outside our regular routine, away from the regular people and/or institutions, even take a trip somewhere all by ourselves, we can expand to discover ideas beyond our typical sphere of consideration.
For example, is there any idea you have been entertaining, but you immediately say, no, that’s impossible.? If so, I have a feeling you’re limiting yourself. Nearly anything is possible so long as you are not taking away the rights of someone else. Often we say such things because we simply don’t know how to make it possible; we don’t know who to reach out to to gain guidance or assistance from to help us achieve it. So while we may not know how something could happen, we don’t need to let go of a particular dream if it keeps returning to the forefront of our mind of what we hope will occur.
7. Give yourself options by giving yourself financial freedom
Sometime what we wish to happen isn’t possible right now. And it’s not possible right now because we have to tend to the foundation that is needed to make it possible. And simply because something isn’t possible right now doesn’t mean it won’t be or can’t be.
From my own experience, there have been various times where I knew what I wanted to do, but the universe made it clear – tend to your financial foundation first. Each time I have respected this guidance (even though being more austere and pausing the energy given toward a goal isn’t preferred, by doing so, I actually am getting closer to my intention becoming a reality), the goal I wish to seek awaits me on the other side, and now with less stress, more probability of happening and well and thus more enjoyment and peace of mind.
8. Become a wise student of your intuition
We often hear the advice, “what does your gut say?” and while well intentioned, we would be wise to understand why and from where our ‘gut’ is gathering its information. I wrote a detailed post about this and have included it below – when to trust our intuition and when to ignore it. In other words, sometimes what we think is our gut or intuition is actually fear of the unknown and if we don’t proceed, it’s because we have never down it before, not because it’s the right decision for our life journey. When we know what we are feeling and why, we are then a far wiser student of ourself and will know when it is our sage self speaking versus our ignorant self.
9. Trust the timing/Trust the process – be engaged, but not expectant or demanding
Perhaps you are observing a theme in many of the items on this list, and yep, you are correct: We cannot force the answers we seek to arise or come to the forefront of our conscious mind on our time schedule.
Sometimes, often times, the decision or answer isn’t ready to be revealed because we need to live or experience something else first. There are a myriad of reasons as to the why the answer hasn’t occurred to us yet, but by demanding it (or demanding a certain answer), we are only slowing the process down even further and maybe stopping it from happening altogether.
Let go and trust. Trust that you, by engaging in your daily life fully and sincerely, by following your curiosity responsibly, by savoring all that is right now, eventually, you will figure out what to do.
10. Invest in good energy by focusing on what is going well
Another way to ensure that we don’t find what we say we wish to find is to focus on all that isn’t going as we would like or focusing on past unwanted moments.
By focusing on the negative, we drain ourselves of energy we need to explore and dance with the present moment fully with an open mind of discovery. When we choose to consciously do the latter – let go of a negative focus and live in the now, dancing with possibilities that cross our path – we energize ourselves with more fuel to follow the new hints and tugs that come our way.
11. Stop focusing on worst case scenario and put what is in your control in its best condition
Okay, so maybe you have a big dream. A dream so different than anything you or those who love you have ever done that you begin to consider what the worst case scenarios because, well, fear arises because you’ve never done this and no one you know and trust have done this. First, it is completely understandable for fear to arise. Often fear in this scenario is because you so badly what it to work out (something we’ve talked about before). And while you will want to know what you don’t want to happen (and potentially could) so you can prevent it from happening, if you remain focused on the worst case, you deplete your confidence and energy and 99% of the time focusing on something that will never happen.
We would be better to focus our energy on doing all that we can to put the odds in our favor, and then to get excited about all that could happen. Again, fuel your energy with savoring all that is going well and doing what is constructive rather than draining yourself by dwelling on what you don’t want to happen and at this moment hasn’t.
“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” —Arthur Somers Roche
12. Opportunities appear in a variety of ‘outfits’ – keep an open mind and don’t be afraid to say yes
Similar to #10 above, sometimes we can be so parochial in our thinking that we have blinders up to opportunities that present themselves but because they don’t fit our narrow definition of what has to be (a time frame, a certain structure, a certain profile, number figure, etc.), we don’t even consider them as possibilities. And because we think we know best (which is ironic because we are at this moment admitting we don’t know what to do), we shut off avenues of possibilities that will help us connect the dots in different ways than have been previously done, to use Steve Jobs’ analogy.
13. It is Okay not to Know right now
Just as overwhelm can set in when we walk into a bookstore and see oodles of shelves lined with unending titles, the possibilities of what to do may actually be what is causing us to feel confused. And that is okay.
As shared at the top of this post in #1, our not knowing is a sign of desired growth, of being ready to grow and evolve, and that is something to celebrate as well.
In this moment you have stepped into another chapter of your life, you just don’t know the focus of that chapter just yet, but you will. So perhaps take this next week, one month or even the next six months and settle into your everyday life that you love living (taking control of those things you can design – here is a list of posts to offer ideas of what you can do right now to elevate your everydays), and allow yourself space and time to just observe what pops up, what brings itself to the surface, what continues to tickle your interest and curiosity.
14. Meditate
Initially, this may sound too simple and lacking substantive help; however, when we meditate we are ceasing to think. We are stepping back from our thoughts, and when we have trained the mind to know when it is spiraling and then pull it back, it becomes easier to be aware when we need to stop taking a particular ‘thought’ journey and instead, step back, observe and just be. By observing our thoughts, in other words, meditating, we come to find that many of the things we thought we had to solve are actually not in need of our intense examination and will, not necessarily solve themselves, but with time, reveal what is needed without our interference.
~Learn more about what meditation does, how to do it and the benefits as well as meditate with me in a guided meditation when you enroll in the Contentment Masterclass.
15. Answer this question: What is the next best step right now for your journey?
Looking back over all of the above suggestions, answer this question for yourself and yourself alone without anyone else’s nudging: What is the next best step right now for your journey? It may be to not do anything at all, but simply to be as we have talked about the importance of this choice before here on the blog (see and explore the post below). And then once you make that decision, ask that same question again when you are trying to figure out what to do next, and continue to follow this advice, and before you know it, you will have arrived at the answer to the overarching question of What To Do.
By simply adhering to #14, you hold yourself in the present moment and aren’t leaning too far over your skis. And when you savor your everydays, you are living, fully living, your life, and that is where all the answers and beauty reside anyway. Enjoy the journey.
So, let’s take this back to the bookstore and reframe the dilemma of not knowing what to do. Instead of viewing ‘not knowing’ as a negative, view it as a gift: Reflect on a place that is your happy place, such as the bookstore in my case – where even when you don’t know what you will choose or do, you are simply happy to be there and know whatever happens, it will be something you will savor.
Case in point, with France on my mind and La Fête Nationale (Bastille Day) celebrated yesterday, a dream bookshop to visit while traveling is any in Paris, such as Librairie Galignani seen below. I had no idea what would be purchased when I visited back in 2022, I simply loved and savored being there. (Francophiles, mark your calendars. This year’s annual French Week, the 9th annual, will be here before we know it – kicking off the second full week in August – 11th-18th.)
Thank you for stopping by today, and remember, you are exactly where you need to be and so long as you are engaged fully in the present moment, the questions and unwanted moments are offering you something that will be found to be extremely valuable down the road as you make your way along your chosen journey. And on that note, Bonne journée ?.
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A very interesting post. In my formative years, I would often hear advice, mostly from my grandparents, to “sleep on it.” Of course, over time I learned how effective that really can be. As you state, it may take more than one or two sleeps to formulate an answer or a plan. This has been an effective habit for me. While the big things may take much, much longer to address in that process one learns so much about oneself. Ego most certainly can complicate the facts but time alone, often in nature, can lift us above our problems and provide a perspective we may not have considered.
I am like a child in a candy store when in a bookstore. I love to read novels using a bookstore as part of the plot. I just finished Rita Konig’s Masterclass and thoroughly enjoyed her perspectives on using books, read or unread, as part of a cozy English decor.
And last but not least, I must say you are doing a great job grooming your pups! My Lola is way beyond my skill level with all those poodle curls! It is so nice that the bookstore embraces the pups while you browse. They are adorable.
Thank you for stopping by Lucy and sharing that sleeping on it has yielded worthwhile outcomes. ?
Tickled you enjoyed Konig’s course and books! Yes!
Thank you for you compliments on the pups’ grooms. I am so grateful I now know how to do this. It has eased my mind and I am confident Norman’s as well. And while Nelle will never have to go to a groomer, thankfully, it gives us an opportunity to build trust as lots of treats are given during the grooming time together. ☺️?❤️
Crossroads. I am here. Much needed perspective and advice. Put what is in your control in its best condition, I truly needed this reminder. Thank you dear Shannon.
My pleasure. ??