Opportunity knocks, but if we aren’t home to open the door, we miss it.

Or worse yet, we become startled when we hear the knock and refuse to open the door preferring to stay in the environment we know even if it either no longer serves deep fulfillment or can no longer provide the opportunities and knowledge we need to reach our full potential.

The bit of good news in this scenario is that opportunity has arrived at your door. The opportunity arrives offering to help us expand, to grow, to evolve into the person and life we are capable of living, but if we don’t see the knock as an opportunity, we prevent the success we say we want from materializing.

Take the Lady of Shallot rose shrub shown above for a moment. During the first half of the gardening season and through the hot July weather, the first bloom window provided little. Even when blooms neared, the intense summer heat would take them away before they had a chance to share their beauty. Fast forward to August when temperatures decreased and having chosen continual blooming roses, the second bloom, after having fertilized with the most beneficial combination of nitrogen, phosphorous and potassium (phosphorous provides for more blooms) has been magical (which is what is captured above in its first summer in the garden).

Understanding the journey to the success we seek provides the eventual experience of arriving at our hoped for destination, but first we must understand how it eventually arrives – i.e. with a few moments of quandary and doubt.

Along the journey of self-evolution and self-growth, it may appear that magic plays a role in our life journey, inviting opportunities to cross our path that seem to arrive out of nowhere. However, the secret of inviting magic into our life begins with setting intentions, and then bravely, without promises, stepping toward the life we have envisioned. Next and necessarily, we must do the work required, invest the time, gather the knowledge, learn the skills for however long it might take, and by doing all of this, we demonstrate to the universe that we are serious about our determination to bring about the change we seek.

Which brings me to opportunities knocking seemingly out of the blue. Gradually, and at a time when we least think that it will happen, opportunity will knock. But the knock doesn’t come with any promises, only an invitation to a path that we can now travel should we wisely say yes. In such moments, we might disbelieve what we have the chance to do, to live, to experience, and it is in this disbelief that we might errantly get in our own way and impede our own success from fully arriving which is why I wanted to share today’s post with you. To ensure you and opportunity cross paths and journey forward together. ☺️

The success we seek, however you define success, as there is not one fixed definition, often is closer to materializing than we realize if we have been striving for a particular change or outcome with conscious effort for some time. But there’s a catch. The catch is we aren’t given GPS coordinates of the route to the destination we have set for ourselves at the outset of our journey, so it is impossible for us to understand our proximity to our goal. This is precisely when knowledge of potential self-sabotage comes in handy so we ensure we stay the course.

Let’s take a look at the six ways we potentially can get in our own way and prevent the success we seek, and how to avoid stepping off the journey toward our goal we have traveled on for so long and are so close to realizing.

1. Lacking awareness of how the subconscious mind works

Containing all that we have learned and experienced, our subconscious mind is a library of the inputs into our life journey thus far. And since we cannot change our past, we must understand how this stored information can influence our present. Once we are aware of how the subconscious works, we no longer have to live reactively, and can instead monitor through awareness why we might have a knee-jerk reaction or comment on something that is no longer representative of what we know to be true or possible. So instead, while yes, the reactive comeback or decision to flee or doubt may arise, we can now catch ourselves, and instead respond in a more constructive and helpful manner to ensure we progress toward the outcome we have consciously set as our goal.

Equally, our subconscious can be an awesome aid in helping us to achieve the success we seek, so yet again, knowledge of what this aspect of our brain does is beneficial so we can utilize it for good.

First, let’s understand how the subconscious functions. Homeostasis is defined as having “the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, especially as maintained by physiological processes”, and as it pertains to the brain, our subconscious maintains a homeostasis impulse which regulates not only our body temperatures and regular breathing (we don’t consciously tell ourselves to breath each moment if the day, for example, this is essentially on auto-pilot because of our subconscious). This homeostasis impulse also keeps us thinking and behaving/making decisions in a manner we have done in the past as opposed to making decisions because of what is best to seek the change we desire, but merely what the subconscious knows and has done before. See why making a change can be difficult? But good news! If you have positive, healthy habits, have experienced success in your past or moments that have boosted your confidence, these stay with you too.

Okay, so now let’s talk about how we can rewrite the ‘messaging’ in our subconscious to help us succeed: with conscious repetition of the new skill or information (learning a new language!). Motivational speaker and self-development author (most notably the book Eat That Frog!) Brian Tracy shares, “When you learn to purposefully create such patterns, you can harness the power of habit and purposefully instill new comfort zones to which your subconscious will adapt”.

And that is the good news. We hold the reins to retraining our subconscious. And when we know how to do this, we take the reins now knowing consciously how to direct our lives well.

2. Acknowledging that familiar habits, even if unhelpful, are comfortable to the mind

If we have become accustomed to living a particular schedule, a certain pace and rhythm to our days, a habituated response to stimuli when it arrives in our inbox, on our social media feed, from others who are speaking to us, etc., even if we know such regular patterns aren’t helpful or beneficial, when we try to change them, our subconscious mind (discussed above in detail) attempts to pull us back into what is comfortable, what is known.

Recently in my own life, I found myself having completed two significant goals, both of which were partially chosen to bring simplicity and a slower pace to my life, and thus less stress as I no longer would have to focus on my attention on more than one large project. However, when I arrived at that end result – both goals reached, each taking years to arrive at – my subconscious kept wanting to keep up the pace of a full, too full, life schedule. Temporarily, I felt unsettled and worry reared its head, “But if I am not doing more than one new large project, I [feel in the blank with the survival-esque worry that comes to mind].”

Thankfully, my awareness muscle has been well-toned over the years, and I observed what was happening in my mind, enough to calm myself and thus assure myself that this is the mind’s reaction (not response) to my chosen change after years of doing or approaching life in a different way. Stay the course Shannon!

Having acquired the skill or tool of awareness, I could now start to permit and even celebrate new habits that asked that I slow down and prioritize a regular rhythm that made it less desirable for my mind to want to return to staying constantly driven to being too busy, which would revert me back to being far too stressed and not able to commit the quality focus to the projects I wanted to give my attention and efforts.

~Learn and practice awareness through guided lessons in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass – view the detailed syllabus of the 15+ hour course here.

3. Ignorant to the necessity to ‘be’ as much as we ‘do’

Perpetually ‘doing’ doesn’t allow time to be still, contemplate, assess and choose wisely our path forward.

Imagine a battery-charged vehicle or lawn-mower. The mechanism can only fulfill its action (cutting grass or transporting us) when the battery has been given time to rest and at the same time be connected to what will re-energize it.

Now, immediately you might be saying, well, that is what sleep is for, and indeed you are correct. Absolutely. Sleep, a deep, long night’s sleep is imperative for quality cognitive engagement along with ensuring good health, but we also need time when we are conscious to not actively be ‘doing’ something. Because as powerful as the subconscious is, our conscious mind plays a role as well, and when we are conscious and still, so ‘being’, we can direct our thoughts, we can healthily manage our emotions and assess what we need and then give that to ourselves without influence or bombardment from the demands of a task or responsibility.

In the post shared below, the discussion of the importance of being continues offering in-depth exploration of how to find regular time to be still as it is a core component of living a life of contentment, of experiencing a grounding calm and quiet confidence.

Our Quality of Being Determines Our Quality of Doing

4. Avoiding solitude

In order for each of us to find the gifts of solitude, we must choose it. And if we do not choose it but it is chosen for us (i.e. if a relationship ends for any reason, our life pattern changes unexpectedly, etc.), when we embrace the time we have in our own company in, we then shift our mindset to finding the value of our now ample time alone. When solitude is a choice or we shift our mindset to see it as an opportunity of recovering discovery, we receive a life-giving source of clarity, strength and nourishment, and it is in our time in our own company that we begin to design a life that we then bring to life in our choices – how and where we spend our social time, how we take care of ourselves, etc.

When we avoid solitude, we skip a necessary step that while we might think we don’t need it, by the time we have made new decisions and been busy about pursuing our desired success, we realize crucial details were overlooked because we didn’t conference with ourselves, listen without a filter or influence, and because we skipped valuing our own counsel, we have to correct our lives again because we have run into new or the same headaches or quandaries that could have been avoided with wiser decision-making that took into account the only traveler along our life journey at all times, ourselves.

5. Expending energy and focus on all that might go wrong

As much as we can become physically fatigued after an extensive workout or a manual day at work or out in the garden or around the house, so too can our mind and emotions become fatigued. Again, this will not be news to TSLL community, but I share this because sometimes we forget how we cause unnecessary fatigue that prevents us from making the progress we dream about.

We find what we seek or search for, and if we hunt around for all of the possible worst case scenarios of our considered decision to change and the potential pitfalls, not only are we likely wasting time, as often the catastrophizing is based on faulty logic or fictional imaginations prompted by outside influences, more harmfully, we drain ourselves of the energy we need to invest and look for what we want to happen.

While worrying may initially appear to be a wise move to help prevent what we do not wish to happen, it is actually destructive because it takes away resources (our mental energy) to focus on how to be successful in materializing the change we seek. Instead of worrying and ruminating about all that could go wrong, shifting our energy instead to putting the odds in our favor and taking preventative measures, all that is in our control is what psychologist call constructive thinking and what is suggested as an alternative. Constructive thinking grounds us in problem solving rather than dwelling without action. The latter can paralyze us, prompt us to avoid making any changes and thus prevent us from stepping away from unhelpful habits that have been comfortable and thus known to the Lizard mind.

Ultimately, it all comes down to awareness, and through mindfulness practices (one being meditation, something taught in detail in TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass) we can quickly observe when our mind has slipped into worry. Once we recognize where it is going, we don’t have to engage and instead can acknowledge what it’s doing, step back from going down that worry rabbit-hole, being kind to ourselves as we convey understanding of why it may have reverted to this self-sabotage habit, and then shift to problem solving and/or reflection to find constructive exploration that will energize us forward rather than deplete our energies to make the change we seek.

6. Shy away from taking wise risks

It will not surprise you to know that change will not occur, that success will not arrive, if we don’t stop doing the same things that brought us to where we are today. However, sometimes we do have to be reminded of this simple truth as a way of bolstering our confidence to take a risk that offers no guarantees. What risk does? At the core of any risk is the defining feature of containing unknowns, thus, why it feels risky.

But there is a difference between wise and unnecessary risks, and it all comes down to doing our homework, knowing and trusting ourself and then being at ease with temporary discomfort. The discomfort can come from not knowing if our efforts and investment will pay off, or from having to wait to wade through with persistence the hard work that is necessary to arrive at the new outcome and navigate the pesky frustrations that will need to be managed thoughtfully. But the good news is that it is temporary so long as we commit and gradually keep moving forward.

There are endless adages about taking risks, so I won’t bore you with them. While sometimes such quips can be encouraging to keep going, it is first vital that we know where we are going, why we are going there and, the homework bit that must not be left out, how to get there. So yes, “Great reward involves great risk” may feel uplifting when we are deciding to take that big leap of an investment or into a new relationship, but it only rings true if we know why we are leaping in the first place and have clarity about the pieces and people at play that will never entirely be in our control or at all.

So yes, I did include one of the adages, but my point is, while risks will need to be taken, what leads up to deciding to take a risk involves time, intention, diligent research and then courage to endure the unknown for a unspecified amount of time without retreat. This doesn’t mean you cannot course correct, and of course, you could retreat if all goes absolutely haywire, but remember #5 (above), worst case scenario machinations pull our attention away from the possibilities of what we wish might happen, and what we look for, we find. So, step forward bravely after you have made the decision, keep doing the work, and that momentum will build and eventually carry you over the finish line.

Each of the points above reveal that the imminent materialization of the outcome that has been sought for such a long time has nearly been reached. Much like the final .2 miles in a marathon being the most excruciating to finish (why couldn’t it have just been a flat 26 miles instead!), all we have to do is master our mindset (i.e. understand how our subconscious works) and continue taking the steps to institute the change that while new will soon be our enjoyed and appreciated reality. I know you can do it. ?

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