Why Not . . . Exude Confidence?
Wednesday June 16, 2010

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Repeatedly, the confidence one possesses of themselves is noted as being one of the most attractive qualities one can acquire.  Whether it comes to attracting and holding someone’s attention in your love life, or convincing your future boss that you indeed are the one they should hire. How, you might be asking, do I achieve a healthy self-confidence?

Before diving into the five tips, keep in mind that everyone, even those models walking the catwalk, have insecurities, but the difference rests in how you deal with them.  Here we go:

1. Know Your Style 

The top stylists today will be quick to tell you everyone has their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to their physical appearance.  The key is to understand what yours are and accentuate your assets and disguise the perceived flaws.  Beautiful eyes? Draw attention to them by skillfully applying the right colors to make them pop.  Long neck? Pull your hair back more often and expose it by wearing boat neck or cowl neck tops. Tiny waist? Belts, belts, and more belts.  And with regards to the disguising piece, be sure to only disguise and not detract.  A-line dresses are a perfect way to elongate the torso and create an idea of a slimmer you.  Study up on what works for you, and you will be walking in every door with your head held high.

2. Get To Know Yourself

Easier said than done, however, if you start at the beginning with those hobbies, events or ideas that always get your heart pumping and your soul singing, you’re off to a great start.  When you begin to spend your time doing those things you love, so much so that time just ticks away without your knowing, you will be filled up.  That emptiness, that void, that for some reason made you feel inadequate when you walked in the door at a party because there was no fire inside of you, that will be filled when you are spending your time on projects, events, people, and jobs you love.  The process of figuring yourself out comes with endless experimentation.  Do not be afraid to make a mistake, welcome it, because often on the other side, is the answer as to whether or not you’re heading in the right direction.

3. Face Your Fears

Fear is often a disguise, a facade of what you really wish to attain/conquer/succeed at.  If you keep that understanding of why fear is present in your life, then accept the truth when it comes to conquering your fear.  When you stare fear down and supersede its power, you then gain that power which comes in the form of confidence.  Whenever you are at a point where you are doubting yourself, look back and remember your successes.  You have more successes than you probably realize and don’t discredit any of them.  You earned them.  Use them now to propel you past your current fears. (To read a more of my thoughts about what your fear is really saying, click here.)

4. Take Care of Yourself

It is so important to validate yourself from time to time.  By allowing yourself to be treated, pampered, spoiled if you will, you are accepting yourself.  Stop berating yourself for what you didn’t do, stop criticizing yourself for the mistake you made at the office and let it go.  Vow to do better tomorrow.  Keep in mind what a coach might say to a player who is hanging his head after pitching a fantastic game, only to have the last batter of the evening hit a homerun off of him to win the game, “Did you do your best?” There is only so much you can control in a day, and as long as you are striving to do your best, you should be patting yourself on the back, not kicking yourself in the behind.

5. Fake It

Put your poker face on if you have one and if you don’t, learn to display one, because in all honesty, you tell people what to think about you each and every day.  If someone were to meet you for the first time and you shared with them all of your flaws, that’s what they would remember.  The reverse is true as well.  Now I’m not saying to go on a rampage bragging about yourself, but don’t put yourself down.  If you are asked a question about yourself, talk yourself up – focus on what you’re proud of.  No one needs to know that you’re self-conscious about your boss’s opinion of you or the doubts you have about the upcoming potential to be promoted.  If you believe in yourself, others are more likely to do so as well.

I know there are so many of you, my readers, who have an impressive self-confidence, and in knowing this, I would love it if you would share how you overcame your fears and/or insecurities and came out stronger on the other side. Please do share.

7 thoughts on “Why Not . . . Exude Confidence?

  1. LOVE THIS! – it’s called THERAPY! – haha – i’m totally one with myself these days! – but that took me YEARS of truely discovering WHO i am – and where i want to be – and what i’m going to do about it – i’m the most confident i ever have been in life! – and it’s true “fake it till you make it” – it works!!

    *kiss kiss*
    ~Tiptoe Butterfly~

  2. We are always learning new things. One helpful thing I learned from an exercise is this … saying….one more, almost there and i,2,3, 4 and done!!
    It was helpful.
    It is nice to say to yourself…. some things are DONE> Maybe even the past.
    I liked your advise about trust your crazy idea, because this is sorta a crazy sounding idea. But maybe it will help someone else. Done! then , well done.

  3. Wonderful post once again!

    The most important thing to overcome fears or insecurities is to become aware of your self talk, because this is what keeps us away from achieving the things we want. Our thoughts are telling us we cannot achieve certain thing or we do look fat in the dress. Though my tip is identify situations where you are afraid or insecure and listen to your subconscious at the same moment. What is it telling you? Is is telling you, you can’t move to a foreign country because you don’t know anyone or you don’t know the language? Is it telling you, you can’t do the Bachelor degree because you are not smart enough? Is it telling you, you can’t go for the date with the cute guy in the coffee shop (he asked you out) because you are ugly? You noticed, every fear is made up by yourself. The language can be learned. The friends you will find when you know the language, are open to the new country and visit different places. The bachelor degree can be done with a lot of effort and studying. A lot of other people achieved that already and the guy would never have asked you out, if you were ugly. What do you think? Am I right? Of course, I am. Though listen to your self talk and get rid of it. You will see, it will be much easier without it. Maybe you can even turn it into positive self talk. Tell yourself, of course I will achieve it, I am smart enough, I am beautiful. This is the secret of self confidence.

    Lovely rest of the week to everyone.
    xoxo Sandra

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