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“The key to profound and lasting love is the inner development of the lover.” —Jeanne Safer, psychotherapist and author
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Whether you love it or hate it, the power of welcoming love into our lives actually resides in our hands. And whether it is Valentine’s Day or not, we can cultivate the love we seek. It’s not somewhere outside of us, but rather resting within us waiting to be tapped to do what it is capable of doing. Love.
Being ready for real love, which I will define as desiring to be loving, is a choice and then practice and conscious effort being expended with an understanding of why and how to use the tools you are welcoming into your life. What might being ready for real love look like? Desiring to give love and thus you opening yourself up to being loved and knowing, recognizing what a healthy, supportive, reciprocal and loving relationship looks like. Because when you are ready for love, you will be able to recognize it in others, as well as recognize who is not ready to love.
Today I’ve compiled a list of skills and capabilities that reveal, once we’ve mastered them, that we are indeed ready for the real love we seek. So, in a way, finding love is about timing because it all depends on when we are ready to be the student and learn what is necessary to be a partner that will attract the partner we may now only hope we can be with.
1. Being Ready For instead of simply Wanting Love
2. Let go of the list
3. Truly love your life
4. Recognize it is not what you can gain, but what you can give
“Love is as much an art painting of living; it requires practice, finesse, determination, humility, energy and delicacy . . . [often one’s problem in finding love is ] not being love, when really it [is] the inability to give love.” —The Improbability of Love
5. Okay being vulnerable, but not comfortable because it’s scary (unknowns)
6. Able to love even if it’s not convenient
7. Know how to apologize
8. Have let go of past hurts
“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps most fatal to true happiness.” —Bertrand Russell
9. Have let go of fear of heartbreak
10. Practice self-care: taking care of yourself brain, brand, body
11. Able and know your boundaries, and able to speak up
12. Readily and Comfortably Expresses gratitude
13. Are selective
14. Know how to have uncomfortable conversations
15. Able to communicate effectively
16. Practices effective listening skills
Again, I am reminded and relieved that the quality of life resides in my hands. It may not be easy to cultivate it, it may take time, but it will indeed be worth it.
~View more posts in about love here.