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There is an awareness available to anyone who steps fully into their forties. It often happens a couple of years after turning the big 4 – 0, but it’s there, waiting for each of us to realize we are half-way through (if we are so fortunate to live into our 90s) this beautiful gift called life.
This awareness prompts courage and discipline as well as motivation to just get about the business of living out the dreams we may have been too timid to try in our earlier years. We begin to see that taking care of our health is more than worth the investment. We begin to know that loving fully is the best thing to do for our life enjoyment even though we also know there will be great pain in the goodbye. That goodbye is a privilege only the brave experience by being wholly vulnerable, kind and truly giving of their true selves and accepting others as theirs.
The leaning is a good thing because we see over the handrail of life that we are fortunate to have this vantage point and we are not going to toss aside the wisdom gained along the way.
The leaning is both a gift and a motivator.
This year, as I celebrated my 46th birthday on the tail-end of February, I wanted to continue to the annual tradition of sharing what I have learned during the past twelve months. May it inspire you embrace life even more fully and bravely than you already are and enjoy each day all the more.
1. Ask questions if you don’t understand. Keep asking questions until you do.
As I have stepped entirely into running my own business over these past four years, no longer having an income from my teaching career since retiring in 2021, the learning curve has taken time to understand how all of the pieces work so that there aren’t any big surprises (a large tax bill, maintenance required on the blog without knowing how to do so to ensure it keeps running as it should). Of course, you never know how long the curve will take for you to arrive at full understanding, but you hope it will be short. Regardless of its duration, you keep applying what you learn and gradually, and at times all of a sudden, things start to settle into a ‘knowing’ groove of how things flow.
When it comes to understanding taxes, when it comes to understanding how maintain my website through the constant upgrades behind the scenes, through it all, I continue to ask questions, of my accountant, of my web designer and anyone who has the expertise that I do not. By asking and then receiving answers, the fears dissipate, and you begin to realize you can figure out the unknowns that might pop up from time to time either on your own or by knowing who you can reach out to for help.
2. Savoring the seasons, all the details, sprinkles life with so much delight and celebration in the everyday
As I reflected through all of my Instagram photos over the past twelve months, I was reminded of how the beauty and simple luxuries change as the seasons move along. And oh, what beauty there is to savor. From tulips in the spring to the fresh tomatoes at the farmers’ market in the summer, pumpkin shopping in autumn and of course, where we find ourselves now, the gorgeous multiple feet deep snowshoe paths carved out of the woods for us to traverse. Beauty is everywhere if we take notice, and when we do, life becomes a treasure reminding us of how fortunate we are to be able to witness it.
3. Prioritizing Nelle’s growing up during her first two years to welcome her into Norman and my life was more than worth the effort
When we (Norman and I) decided to welcome Nelle into our life, I told myself that for the first two years I wouldn’t take any extensive travel (unless she could stay at our home and with someone she knew, which is what I did when I went to England in October ’23) and I did my best to pay special attention to all of the experiences she had, along with introducing her to as many new and varied experiences, making them positive (with Norman’s help). From things as simple as the vacuum cleaner and being thoughtful not to scare her in order to build trust (Norman would let me literally mop and vacuum around him as he sprawled on the floor without moving a muscle, no matter how near I came to his body), to going to a bustling farmers’ market and feeling safe as well as being friendly, and then of course to traveling in the car, visiting the ocean, sitting and behaving at outdoor cafés (this took time, but now we are there! Thank you Norman for modeling this positive calm behavior. )
Now, at the age of 2 1/2, Nelle is one of the most well-mannered dogs I could have ever hoped for and then some. She does model Norman in so many ways in how she behaves (curious, trusting, calm), as well as brings herself (super loving to everyone and wanting to give them a hug), and I look forward to continue to travel with her even more in the future.
4. Savoring everyday moments with those you love deeply and with great intention makes goodbyes less heart wrenching
The shock of Norman’s passing before I anticipated it might happen was and still is devastating. But what brings me some peace is that I know we savored literally every day together and the moments throughout those days. Since we never know when may be the last day, the last conversation, the last cuddle with a loved one, waiting until “the end” is not wise. Love now. Love today. Do it often. Do it regularly and be brave in your loving. This will bring you comfort later while grieving.
5. The jubilation of being debt-free will prompt you to celebrate by spending money. Be mindful of this.
The final payments on my HELOC happened this year as well on the projects undertaken to customize Le Papillon and the feeling when I saw zero as the balance was exhilarating. It took effort, planning, patience and discipline, but it happened, and I am so glad I tended to this sooner rather than gradually paying it off; however, now that that is behind me, I can say, that when you become entirely debt-free and see your credit score soar to 825, you may want to celebrate by spending money. And while this is okay in moderation, it’s also helpful to know that you may have to tone a new muscle to not spend the money you used to allot to your debt payments each month.
I jumped right in to customizing my primary closet, and I am tickled that I did so as Norman loved that closet and the flooring that we chose for the entire bedroom immediately became his new favorite place to take a nap when we we’re in the office or sleeping at nigh. But while the project is paid off now (I took out a short-term loan for a few months), it was something that happened partially because I was used to diving into big projects. I had become accustomed to it, but I quickly realized that it would have been wiser to tone the muscle of my new discretionary income and where I placed it (savings, disbursements in my business, etc.) before I began a new project so I could pay for it in full up front.
Creating new habits takes time, as we know and our spending or approaches to money aren’t any different. It takes time to become used to having “extra” money as was the case in this situation. A lovely problem that I now am grateful to have learned the lesson.
6. Celebrate your birthday by treating yourself to a special experience each year
Back in 2022 with my interview with American interior designer now living in France David Jimenez (episode #346), he shared something that I never forgot. For many years until he moved to Paris, he would celebrate his birthday by taking a trip to France. That was his gift to himself.
Since then, I held that as a goal I wanted to be able to achieve and follow through on each year, and when I was able to do so, back in September, I purchased the plane tickets for my trip. However, I made them for March because I wanted to be home in Bend to spend my actual birthday with Norman and Nelle before I left since they cannot travel with me. While Norman wasn’t able to be with me physically to celebrate this year as I had hoped he would, he is in my heart and always will be, and with my birthday falling in late winter, traveling during this time is quite welcomed because spring hasn’t yet arrived in Bend, so I cannot be out in the garden yet, and by this point, we are ready for winter to say its adieus.
“La France est le coeur du monde.” – Portuguese proverb
There may be times, as we celebrate our birthday during our adult years that we think we shouldn’t spoil ourselves, or only do so on the ‘big’ numbers, but I disagree. By remembering to celebrate your presence, you strengthen your muscle of listening and honoring yourself and are exercising the skill talked about in the last episode of the podcast, #398, Let Me. Taking responsibility for living fully.
7. The death of a loved one doesn’t take the love you lost away, it just changes how it is present in your life.
While of course, I would prefer to have Norman with me physically. I can still imagine him sitting in his favorite chairs throughout the house, I still see him laying in his dog bed in the office as I type away and see him tottering along on our walks, just thinking about it makes me cry knowing I will never see that, but he will always be in my heart. That love we shared, that love I was so fortunate to have in my life from such a precious soul has changed me irrevocably and I am beyond grateful. That love goes on, but now will show up in how I think, live and engage with the world knowing I know what real love feels like when it is in your life, and Norman showed me that.
8. Sometimes the best way to gain clarity is to be told no by someone expert in their field
And with that, another personal new year begins.
Join me in France virtually as I share my Travel Diaries throughout my journey this month here on the blog (I won’t be posting much on IG in order to give myself permission to be fully present during my trip). Explore becoming a TOP Tier Member so you can read these exclusive posts full of what I am up to, photos of what I am enjoying and recommending and everything that cannot wait to share with TSLL community as more detailed posts will be shared in the 10th Annual French Week in August, but until then, the Travel Diaries will give a detailed look at my itinerary.
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