Why Not . . . Be A Confident Single Woman?
Wednesday May 18, 2011

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“If you’re not happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from within, not from men.”

Being single should be one of the most enjoyable times in your life. And whether you are single right now or not, we all should be at some point in our lives.

The freedom, the choices, and the options are endless. As long as you have the confidence to claim it and celebrate it, you’ll spend your time living the exact life you want. Follow this checklist and you’ll be exuding confidence that will knock everyone’s socks off and leave you enjoying every single minute.

Own It

Yes, you’re single and thank goodness! Make a conscious choice everyday to revel in the benefits of being on your own. Instead of allowing your married friends or family members to pity you, have a lovely comeback that exudes your confidence and sense of humor. This will immediately demonstrate that being single is just as much of a choice as being married. After all, the possibilities are truly endless, and who knows what intriguing bachelor you might meet tomorrow.

Accept All Invitations

The beauty of being single is that you don’t have to coordinate schedules. With that in mind, accept all invitations, even if they are to an art exhibit you haven’t the foggiest idea about. By keeping an open mind and stepping into new and different situations, you are exposing yourself to new avenues for inspiration and networking with all types of people. These connections could lead to a new job, a new travel destination, a new friend, or maybe a potentially a new love. Consider it a broadening of your education, and welcome it. Who knows when your knowledge of Andy Warhol paintings may come in handy?

Pursue Your Passions

Feel fortunate to have the opportunity to explore what makes you lose all track of time. So often people choose a profession at an age when they don’t even know what makes their heart sing. While you may already have a career that is well on track, don’t be afraid to start up a blog, open a small business or explore your hobbies more deeply. After all, a confident woman is a woman who knows herself.

Be Well-Read

If you want to feel confident enough to strike up a conversation with almost anyone, know what to talk about. Knowledge comes from doing as well as reading. So pick up that best-seller you’ve heard so much about, gather your girlfriends up and start a monthly book club. If nothing else, it will be a great excuse to catch up and enjoy a glass of wine or a few cocktails. (More benefits of reading, click here.)

Know Your Style

Nothing exudes more confidence when it comes to first impressions than a woman who walks into a room with her held high and donning fabulously tailored clothes. Regardless of your shape – tall, short, pear, apple, whatever, rock what your mother gave you. If you have amazing hair, take it up a notch by asking your stylist to add just enough pop of highlights and a bit of layers to make even Jennifer Aniston envious. If you have curves to challenge Brigitte Bardot, feel free to flaunt them – a little less in the day and a touch more at night. (Click here and learn how to create your very own signature style.)

Let Go of Limitations

The biggest mistake any woman can make is to want something but be too fearful to attempt to achieve it. For example, you might have a beautiful voice, but if you don’t have the gumption to stand up and sing, no one will know. Stand up. Facing your fears builds your confidence. Facing your fears demonstrates that often times the task itself isn’t so daunting after all. It’s the build-up in your head that makes you believe it will be so much more difficult.

Again, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I realize that many of my readers are either married or involved with a person they deem to be very significant.  Ultimately, healthy relationships of any kind are the goal whether it be at work, with our family and friends or with our significant other, but I would encourage all of us to be supporters of single women so that we might project it for the amazing experience it can be.  Some of us will choose and have chosen to make this a permanent state, while for others it is only temporary. The idea to always keep in mind is the quote stated above. Happy and contented people create fulfilling and healthy relationships.  Take the time to revel in the opportunity when it presents it self and don’t run away from it, but instead embrace it.

“Being single used to mean nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” – Sarah Jessica Parker

Have a beautiful Wednesday everyone, and if you’d like to share your experience of being single and what you were able to revel in and enjoy, I’d love to hear.  Please do share.


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34 thoughts on “Why Not . . . Be A Confident Single Woman?

  1. Your posts never disappoint.

    I’m 25 and, minus a long high school relationship, have been single my entire life. And you know what? That’s the way I like it. When I meet someone who makes being in a relationship as much fun as being single, then we’ll be in a relationship. Being in relationships tends to turn me into a person I don’t particularly like. I’m willing to wait for the person that makes me want to be the best me.

    Seriously…I love being single! I’ll shout it from the rooftops! (And if you read some of the online dating messages on my blog, I’m sure you’ll agree that there are worse things than being alone.)


  2. When I saw the title of today’s post, I thought, “Oh, thank GOD!” as I am now single after one LONG marriage and a WAY too long relationship–and sooooo happy to be so. My 3 kids are grown and gone, and I’m in my 50s, and man, oh, man, I’m so grateful I’m single I do shout it from the rooftops. Finally, I have time, energy, and the ability to do the things that make me grin for joy. Thanks so much, Shannon, for sharing this! My comeback (when asked about romance) is: “Oh, my love life is fabulous! I’m deeply in love with a guy named Bill. Bill Shakespeare…you know him–smart guy, great conversationalist…” (I’m a costumer for our local Shakespeare in the Park)…that usually slows them down, at least. Most women my age get it right away! Love this post!! Kay

  3. Haughty by Nature – I love your statement -“When I meet someone who makes being in a relationship as much fun as being single, then we’ll be in a relationship.” A very healthy approach. Thank you for sharing your experience. Getting to know ourselves can be an amazing experience if we succumb to it and allow it to take it where it will – not trying to control every bend.

    Kay – love you comeback! You are inspiring and exactly what reveling in your own company should be. 🙂

    Sandy O – 29 and a homeowner – Bravo! Good for you. taking care of our own financial footing and security is paramount to being able to be a confident women in any relationship. Enjoy what comes next. 🙂

  4. As usual, your post speaks to my life at the moment. I decided to take a year off from dating to get to know myself and focus more on my writing and other projects. My confidence has grown and I have a better idea of what I want out of a relationship when the time comes. I’ve decided to become more like the type of person I want to attract.

  5. Your blog is such an inspiration, especially this post. I love it. I love being single and just enjoying my life the way it is. I ignore all pressures of “being married by 29”.

  6. Loved your post. Being a single person in today’s society is much easier and more accepted than it was 20-25 yrs ago…Enjoy every bit of your freedom and abundance of choices life has to offer..save money and build a strong financial foundation- $$$ equals freedom.

  7. I am happily married but I still enjoyed your post because I feel this way about having children. My husband and I have been married 10 years and we have chosen not to have children because we are happy the way we are! We love our life and the freedom we have. No one in my life understands!

    1. I’m 32 and I get pressured to get into a relationship and when I do I feel miserable. I’ve decided to be single until I find someone that I can be myself around. Lately everyone has been saying im running out of time to have children now is the best time I’ve told them I don’t want to have children and they called me selfish but its our god given right to decide if we want children or not. If you had them its you that’s accountable not them .

  8. Anonymous – very good point.

    Anonymous – thank you for relating it to the choice you and your husband have made. It takes very grounded, secure people to make decision that may go against the grain and still be able to stand in the truth that they have found. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    Chicscapes – Thank you for your comment. Any rules created by society in this realm have no validity due to the fact that we are all individuals with different aspiration and different passions. I always think of Willy Loman of Death of a Salesman who blindly chased what he told was the American Dream and it led to a tragic life and demise.

  9. Hi Shannon, your post truly inspired me. I have just got out of a 4-year serious relationship and been busy looking for someone special, I forgot being single could be fun, too! Now I’m going to face each day with confidence and be that chic walking down the road with glow!

    Thanks for such an insightful sharing, love! =)

  10. Thank you thank you thank you! For outing your ‘feminism’ aka self empowerment! I’m 20 and my whole time during high school I got into discussions with my history teacher about the way he talked about women, and why we didn’t discuss women’s history if we are emancipated. (I live in the Netherlands, for crying out loud). Anyway, I wasn’t a bitch or anything, I just wanted role models and equality. But is had cost me – so much. My classmates really disliked me for it, being rude and very sexist towards each other . Now I studies for one year and discovered I’m not that weird for wanting to be treated with respect. Reading your blog and all these responses from people who are grateful really helps. Anyway, I can’t turn around without some guy (even police officers) asking me out. I get so sick of all this attention, it makes me feel like I can’t move in my own skin without being provocative. Like moving slowly or enjoying taking a breath, because it will scream sensuality even more. People ask “WHY are YOU single” and I doubted so much. Of course I want to find love and an amazing lover. They just don’t come around that often and I won’t jump into bed with just anyone. You’re blog has taken this doubt away. Now I think “Damn right I am choosing quality over quantity! It’s my body, my mind, my treasure and temple”. So once again, thank you so much for writing all your wonderful blogs!

  11. I’m single, 28, and divorced for two years now. The first thing I did after becoming single was go out and buy a great new condo for myself – one that I could decorate how I wanted. I love being single! Even when it gets a little lonely from time to time, I relish my alone time. Thanks for such a wonderful and encouraging post to know we’re not all alone!!

  12. Just read this! Thank you! I’m 25 and my parents wants me to get married (they want granddaughters and sons) well.. I like that too but not now.. I can’t wait to share this to my sister! Thank you so much!! Cheers to all single women living it the way they want it!

  13. I’m 33 and single. I’m finding it really hard to enjoy this so-called freedom. *All* of my friends are pairing up and having kids, and I’m either getting dumped or meeting guys who are unavailable for some reason or another. My friends describe me as intelligent, beautiful, funny, creative, kind, accomplished, outgoing, and unique. I have a car, a cat and live in my own apartment, I volunteer, I do a million and one different activities, etc. (all the things that I’m “supposed” to do). So what gives? I don’t need the moon and the stars. I just want a good guy to share my life with. Any pointers?? I’ve been through therapy too, which has really helped, but I still feel so discouraged and unwanted.

    1. CAF – Thank you for expressing your frustration. Your honesty is refreshing, and I am certain there are many women who feel the same way.

      On that note, what I notice while reading your comment is living to fit the definition of what one is “supposed” to do. Are you doing these things because you are passionate about them, because it is what you’re drawn to or because you are trying to attract something you think you want?

      I can almost guarantee that even “all” of your friends who are paired up aren’t in a constant state of bliss, even if they are in very happy, healthy relationships. While it is easier to live a life that society unquestionably accepts (being married), the question is for those who are married or single, are you happy with the life you are living? And

      Because when you are happy with the life you are living – married or single, you can live in the present and not long for the future of what you hope will come along.

      As much as we want to control external forces, we cannot. The only thing we can do is control the decisions we make in our day to day dealings, and I would suggest to you from one single girl to another, focus on creating a life of contentment. You may draw to yourself someone that is intrigued tomorrow, next year or five years from now, but in the meantime, you will be enjoying your life, a life that is not infinite. And that is attractive not only to potential mates, but to friends, family and people you come into contact with each and every day. And when you create this positive, enjoyable energy, amazing opportunities come to life.

  14. I’ve just discovered this post after looking for late night positive reads before bedtime.
    Thank you so much for sharing this and promoting the fact that being single is a great thing!
    I love inspiring messages like this.
    Have a great week.
    Love & Lipstick,

  15. I am going through depression, due to failure in 3 relationships and now I am 34 , though successful but am trying to look for the purpose of existence with no partner and no family. This blog seems to be helpful , thanks a lot for all the valuable words.

  16. I have been in two marriages and had two long term boyfriends. All of which I am glad to have had and left. At 48, I plan on remaining single for the rest of my life. I absolutely love my freedom. When asked, my comeback is…I have a beautiful amazing love. I see her in every mirror.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. The more varied life stories that radiate happiness the better as we will eventually realize there is no one set way to live a content and fulfilling life. Thank you very, very much.

  17. As a 49 year old empty-nester, I appreciate this blog. Being single has served me very well. I travel where I want, eat what I want, and watch what I want to watch. I have many girlfriends I can make plans with and do. The only time I find being single is difficult is during almost every holiday. Despite inviting friends to do something, it is hard to get anyone to join me. And as an somewhat attractive outgoing person, getting an invite to a couples party seems to be taboo. My child does not live close, and is at an age where hanging with Mom is not her first priority. My question is this: what do other people do during these holidays? I find it depressing not to go out on New Years or Halloween, yet it can be depressing to go out and be the only one in the room that’s alone…any suggestions?

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience. Have you ever thought to throw your own holiday party? That has been my solution the past few years. It allows me to see those Inlive, celebrate the holidays and not feel as though I am left out. Would love to hear other’so thoughts. 🙂

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